Daniel & Adrienne #62 - The Switch

“Kahmun,” he said from across the lab, Adrienne rolling her eyes wildly.

“Carl,” she countered, Jonas now rolling his eyes at their daily argument. More like hourly argument. 

He was about to name this baby himself. 

“That’s the kid from the zombie show of yours that never stays in the house. That’s a great example of how to behave,” Daniel shot back, Adrienne shaking her head, “And I already said no to that one.”

“And who is the hell is Kahmun?” she asked in response, her husband shrugging from across the room. 

“I dunno, it sounded cool,” he replied, Jonas reaching to rub his temple. 

“Well, keep making that the basis for child naming and I’ll keep giving you names of TV characters you hate. My knowledge of pop culture knows no bounds,” she teased back, standing, her hand pressed firmly to her back. 

“How about Tomis?” Jonas suggested, thinking back to the more influential people in his life and trying to find a more suitable name for a child to be born on Earth. 

“Hear that Indy, Jonas is even better at this than you are,” she joked, waddling to the lab door. 

“Ja-wer, where are you going?” Daniel asked as she started to leave, slowly, painfully he could tell. She was nearing twenty four weeks and he honestly had no idea how she was going to make it to forty. 

“To feed your monster. Jonas, you should come. We can discuss logical names for children since my husband apparently can’t,” she taunted, pausing at the door. Laughing, Adrienne motioned for Jonas to follow, she wanted company and knew Daniel was working and he followed, glad to use helping his friend out as an excuse to eat again. 

He liked Earth food. 

“Viktor!” she heard her husband shouting down the hall, overly stressing the Russian in the pronunciation of the name. 

“Morpheus,” Adrienne shouted back,  “all day Indy, I can do this all day!!” 

“You’re so awful to him,” Jonas laughed, following behind as he shook his head, wondering if they would ever select a name. 

‘I know; I live for it. And you have to admit, it’s a two way a street,” she countered back, today’s cafeteria menu already running through her head. 

“Were you guys always like this? I mean, he never seemed so, well, loose before. Other than Jack, I did see him kid around with Jack,” Jonas asked, having thought it was quite strange that this very, well, decorated woman ended up with of all people, Daniel. 

“Not in the very beginning, but soon after. Once we figured out each other’s sense of humor it was no holds barred,” Adrienne laughed, remembering all of fights when they were trying to figure out those very senses of humor. 

“How did the amnio go?” he inquired, changing the conversation, feeling that he might have gotten too personal. 

“It went,” she answered, quietly. Ok, maybe that was personal too. 

“That good?” he joked, breaking the ice with her the best way he knew how, a joke. 

“Let’s go with yes,” she smiled back, clearly not offended. 

“Are you sure?” he asked despite feeling that he was prying again but Adrienne didn’t argue, stopping her stride and looking back at him. 

“It didn’t show much. my blood still has and always will have the dopamine from Daniel, a lot more with the baby. He has it too, a pretty good amount in the little guy, so Carolyn is requiring weekly visits now in case my body decides to reject him. I’m still taking my meds but, I don’t know. It’s scary,” she answered honestly, the fear in her eyes evident. 

“And the naquadah?” Jonas pushed, not wanting to upset her but genuinely concerned for his friends and their baby. After everything Addy had told him that they had been through, this just didn’t seem very fair. 

“More lovely secrets of the ancients and how the Goa’uld came to be I guess. The dopamine heals and since naquadah in the blood can act as another form of that, it keeps a little in my blood stream. Not enough to fire weapons, but it lingers...” as did her voice, leading him to believe that she was simply reciting the speech that Carolyn had given the scared pregnant woman. 

“I’m sorry Addy,” was all Jonas could say, reaching out to touch her shoulder. 

“No, I mean, the little guy looks ok. Correct size, a tad above average even, which considering how much I eat I shouldn’t be surprised, perfect development, and he’s certainly active,” Adrienne stared, wincing, reaching for her stomach. 

“Like now?” he asked, hoping that it was just the baby and not a problem. 

“Oh yeah, that’s really why I needed to walk down here. I had food in the lab,” Adrienne admitted, taking deep slow breaths as she rubbed her belly, her son slamming her wandering hand. 

“Can I?” Jonas asked, curious, feeling awkward for asking, reaching to touch without thinking before retracting his hand. 

“Yeah, sure. If I wasn’t getting pummeled from the interior it would be kinda cool, I admit,” she said instead with a smile, reaching for his hand. Taking it into her own she set it on the lower left hand side of the bulge. He didn’t feel anything for a moment when suddenly there was wild moment under his hand, his palm actually being forcefully kicked away. Pulling his hand back surprised, he suddenly understood why Adrienne was so uncomfortable. 

“Oh wow he is a wild little guy,” the Langaran observed, his friend smirking and nodding her head in agreement. 

“See what I mean? If Daniel could carry him for just five minutes just five minutes to understand. Don’t get me wrong, he has been a saint, but I would just love for him to really understand,” she added, amending her answer quickly. 

“You don’t have to explain, I can see that he does. But I understand, it would probably be nice just to have him be in your shoes for a short while,” Jonas offered, reaching for her should again, getting a shrug in return. Deciding he needed to change the subject, yet again, he led her gently again in the direction of the cafeteria. 

“So, this name game?” he asked now smiling. 

“I’m messing with him,” Adrienne replied swiftly, that fun grin of mischief on her face. 

“I thought so,” he answered, laughing, “so have you picked a name? Or are you still trying to decide?” 

“I’ve pretty much narrowed it down, just trying to decide which is middle and which is first,” she answered, Jonas making a face of confusion. 

“Wait, you give two names? Why?” he asked, Adrienne shaking her head. 

“Long complicated history. Pretty much started in Europe to make all whiney relatives happy to be included in the naming of the child. Picked up in the states through immigration and now everyone just does it,” she tried to simply, knowing Jonas was just going to go back to the lab and look it up anyway. 

“So what are the two?” he inquired, planning as Adrienne anticipated to look up this Earth custom. 

“That shug is a secret. And don’t go telling Daniel just yet. If I have to let his son beat my innards to death, he’s going to stress about which Jedi knight I’m gonna name him after.” 

*****

“We’ve got the images from Vala, this is a fairly easy in and out and we’ve got the possible ZPM locations. What we don’t have is a woman,” Daniel said with a sigh to Sam and Jack, the only two he had bothered to call to the briefing. No point in telling everyone else, he thought, considering he was still at an impasse. 

“We have plenty of women on base Daniel, what are you talking about?” Jack countered .

“Jack, Teyla won’t leave Torrin anymore to go off world unless she has to, granted we are in a bind, but she’s scared. Leaving her son on base used to be more of a guarantee, but it, it’s just not,” Daniel explained, understanding for the first time in his life; it made him think of that protective box again he wanted to shove Adrienne into. 

“Do we have to have Geisha?” Sam inquired now, reading over the specs and information. 

“Maybe not, but it would make things easier if I was trying to offer a new girl to the business. It would give each of us a different position on the inside,” he replied, Jack chuckling. 

“And woman gab,” Jack interjected, “a lot. If that thing is sitting on the city side, it’s the women that will know.” 

“I wish I could go,” Sam offered instantly, Daniel shrugging. 

“I know, you or Vala, but she keeps insisting that she needs to keep her, uh, cover,” Daniel answered, forgetting for a moment but Sam nodding, understanding the double meaning in his statement. 

“No, Robert agrees that Vala and her teams should be kept to their assignments and that only,” she replied, assuring him he was not mistaken. He really wasn’t very good at this covert operations mess and no matter how many spy movies Adrienne tried to get him to watch he wasn’t going to get any better.

“Well Dr. Perky’s as big as a house, so she’s out,” Jack said, chewing his pen before tapping it on the table. 

“Please don’t say that to her Jack. She’s hormonal disaster right now and I don’t want to add that to her current list of obsessions,” Daniel pleaded, a tired look in his eyes. Yeah, Jack thought, he had to admit that Adrienne was not a very good pregnant lady; she puked, she cried, she got really mad and the really depressed. But still, it was kinda funny to see Daniel have to deal with it. 

“Well on this one we can go to other woman outside, maybe Ann Mardsen?” Sam suggested. 

“I’ve thought of her, and few of her team members. I don’t want to delay this any further, but if you just give me one more day to think, go through personnel files, see if someone has a better background for this, see if anyone stands out,” Daniel requested, shutting the folder and trying to think. Adrienne would be easiest, she was a classist but anyone with a PhD in any of the historical fields had to have knowledge of other cultures at least more so than the average person. His darling wife, however, was out, as much because she was pregnant as for the fact that she was pregnant with his child. 

He wasn’t about to risk either of them. 

*****

“Alright, I’ve narrowed it down to Ann Mardsen, primarily for her language skills, Ming Tuey who actually did study her native Asian cultures in undergrad and Karol Grubbs, member of SG-4, since her father is from Japan. Anyone else would take week’s worth of training and prep since their sort of thing is usually dealt with, by, well, us,” Daniel stated laying the three file folders at the center table. 

The center table, Jonas noted, remembered Jack’s comment from the other week, wondering if it were true. 

“Jonas, I asked if you had a preference, I know Adrienne’s,” Daniel repeated, peering over at his friend. 

Jack has to be kidding, he thought, trying to focus on the files, reading the bio and specs of each candidate carefully. 

“Who does Addy want?” he inquired, each of the women seeming as qualified as the last. 

“Ann, she’s got a good head on her shoulders. I think Tuey is too quiet and Karol doesn’t have enough experience with operations like this,” Adrienne replied quickly. 

“What about you?” Jonas turned to Daniel, who seemed to be reaching for Lt. Tuey’s file when the lab shook, subtly, not violently, the Langaran seeing a thin blue line appear at the back wall of the lab, expanding, growing warmer, radiating the room. 

“Dr. Jackson,” a small humanoid appeared, from the blue, a small humanoid the three knew, one of them better than the others. 

“Medan, welcome,” Daniel greeted, Adrienne feeling his glare, racing over to the cameras in response. This was one of the things that the senate committee was not happy about, but with the Tok’ra only agreeing to meeting off world for moments at a time with little information, the Jaffa having their own internal issues, everyone else was gone and Sam refused to sour relations with the Ktaenam in any way, shape or form. 

“Thank you Dr. Jackson. We wanted to come and see if you have been able to locate any crystals or need further assistance,” he started asking immediately, Daniel noting it was a kind gesture, but a strange one. Yes, they had wanted to help, but it seemed very odd they were checking on the progress. 

“Slow, there was a sickness on the base when I arrived home, it took a few weeks to clear that up. Everything is fine now, but it delayed our progress significantly.

“A sickness? How?” the small man asked, Daniel shrugging and shaking his head. 

“We aren’t sure. It attacked our base, put everyone is a state of deep sleep. We fear it might have been Anubis, but we have no proof,” he explained, Medan placing his hand to his chin and nodding.

“There have been problems on some of our planets, not planets of the Ktaenam but planets we frequent. There are groups of thieves, thieves in ships of the Goa’uld that are coming in, attacked villages, stealing things, valuable things, weapons, food. We try not to interfere, just jump in and help as needed, but our leaders are sending in people to go and disable ships to try to stop them,” Medan said, a clear concern in his face. 

“What do they look like?” Adrienne spoke up, already walking to her computer to pull up some images. 

“They wear the skin of animals, colored and they are very crude,” he described, Adrienne walking her laptop over to him. 

“Do they look like this?” she said, pointing to a picture on her screen that Daniel couldn’t see but he knew what she had pulled up. Medan nodded, looking at his larger friends in confirmation. 

“Lucians,”  Adrienne confirmed her husband’s thoughts. 

“I thought you guys hadn’t heard from them in a while,” Jonas said, unsure, going to his own computer to check his files. 

“We hadn’t, in fact Anubis was blackmailing them, killing their families, but they were fleeing, splitting up, hiding. We hadn’t heard of much movement since,” Daniel replied, taking his careful gaze back to Medan, “I guess we know where they’ve gone.” 

“I am so sorry to visit and be so demanding, we are simply growing very concerned.  When it was the time of the system lords, they stayed away from our planets and even when they did break those truces it was with a Jaffa army, not like this. Not this,” he shook his head slowly. 

“We’re working on it Medan, we might have found one of the crystalline power sources, ZPMs as we call them. Would you care to see?” Daniel asked, changing the subject, sensing it needed to be changed. They couldn’t take care of their own problems, were barely making due with the Langaran situation and to start sending help to aid the Furlings was going to be impossible and for the IOA out of the question entirely. Appreciating the gesture, Adrienne could tell by the small man’s body language, he walked to approach Daniel desk, stepping on his toes to peer at the screen. 

“This planet, based on our resources and devices seems to be our best chance. We sent a friend there and she said that they have had no contact with the outside world. There is a gate there, but the best she could tell they were settled, possibly by the Goa’uld but no system lords ever returned there. There are two different, very different elements of japanese culture that could have the devices - THIS group of warriors and THIS group of entertainers. Warriors are fine and we have enough martial artists to make that work, but the other group on earth we would call geishas, the female entertainers, that’s the problem. We’re a little short on woman that I trust enough to pull this off,” Daniel explained, sitting back in his desk chair so the small man could see. He re-examined the information carefully, taking it all in Daniel could tell, before stepping back to make a face at the archaeologist. 

“Why not your wife? You said that she is your assistant and helps you in many of these quests,” Medan asked, confused as Daniel, equally as confused, pointed in Adrienne’s direction, at her protruding belly in particular. 

“Medan she’s pregnant with our child, and very far along in the human birth cycle,” he noted, Adrienne smiling and nodding downward. 

“Our women continue to work until it is time for the birth,” Medan replied, almost as if he was scolding Daniel for not thinking the same. 

“Ours too, but these women that she needs to impersonate are, well, uh, not 24 weeks pregnant,” Daniel responded, delicately, not wanting Adrienne to be any more self conscious than she already was. It was only a week ago that Adrienne had started sobbing loudly in the shower, forcing Daniel to race into the bathroom hoping that something wasn’t wrong, only to discover Adrienne crying that she could no longer see her feet. Given the size of her belly, he was fairly certain that she hadn’t seen her feet in weeks, but for some hormonal reason it was that day, in the shower, that she had decided to fall apart. 

He didn’t need a repeat here. 

“So you have selected the warriors to go?” the Ktaenam man changed his questioning quickly, possibly sensing his friend’s apprehension. 

“Yes, two of my colleagues Cam & Ronon. They are both accomplished fighters and I can trust them,” Daniel answered, less concerned. 

“Tobh. Then you would normally accompany your wife?” 

There he goes again, Daniel thought, why won’t he let this go? Adrienne cannot go and that is that. 

“Normally yes, but as I said, she can’t go,” he reiterated slowly. 

“If you could not have gone with your wife, who would have gone?” Medan continued. 

“My friend Jonas here, he knows as much as I do about culture, maybe more since this wasn’t my area of expertise and he has been studying it intensely for weeks,” Daniel answered, yet again, still confused as to where this line of questioning was going. 

“Tobh,” he answered again, Adrienne wondering what else the man was going to say other than “good” about their situation. Shrugging she felt light suddenly, a freeing feeling, reaching for her abdomen. 

It was then Dr. Adrienne Jackson screamed, nightmares of a past mission flooding her memory. 

“Ja-wer!” Daniel was shouting racing to her, “what did you do!?!” he threw out back at Medan when he felt a dull ache in his stomach, then a stretch, a painful stretch. Unable to remain upright, he fell to his knees, reaching, feeling his middle expanding growing rapidly, coupled with a wild thrashing from the inside. 

“We can borrow and we can share. We can help. Now your wife can go and your friend can go and you can get the crystal,” Medan said with a smile as Adrienne stood, shaking, holding her waist, her eyes locked on her husband who was equally as terrified.

“Jonas,” Daniel choked out from the floor, “call Dr. Lam.” 

*****

“We can assure you doctor everything is perfectly fine, but due to the natural of your, what’s that word you use for yourselves, human, physique, you will only have seven earth solar cycles before we must rescind the share,” the Ktaenam man assured both the physician and still panicked archeologist, ignoring the trembling mother behind him. 

“A week?!?!” Daniel shouted, trying to sit, his entire sense of balance completely opposite of what he was used to. 

“Yes, will that be sufficient time to get the device? ” Medan inquired, his eyes darting between the three humans standing around him, none of which seemed to appreciate this solution. 

“Carolyn is the baby alright?” Adrienne asked, ignoring the Furling, reaching out for Daniel’s hand, still hesitant to touch his protruding belly. 

“The baby’s is fine and it seems that they’ve borrowed a little more than the baby Addy, extra skin and your wo-,” Dr. Lam began to explain what she was seeing on the ultrasound screen when Daniel threw up his hands, shaking his head.

“Please no, just no details. I don’t want to know how it is working as long as it’s working. If Adrienne is alright, the baby is alright, I’m alright that’s all I need to know,” he interjected, laying his head back on the pillow in frustration. Frowning, Adrienne turned her back to him, their finger’s still lightly touching, as she studied the image of their son on the monitor, the one monitoring the wrong body.

“I had to come see this just had to,” a familiar voice boomed from behind him, the last voice he wanted to hear as he lay here, his belly large, his son still kicking wildly inside. There was laughing, because of course that would be his first reaction, Daniel turned his head slightly to see Jack powering his way over, a grin from ear to ear, following by Jonas, who was certainly not as amused. 

“Sorry, Sam was in a meeting,” his other assistant offered from behind, shrugging, trying to give Daniel some sort of idea that he had no clue Jack was going to behave in this fashion. 

“Jonas for future reference if anything like this EVER happens to me, we DON’T call Jack ever,” Daniel growled, turning his head from his old friend to look back at his wife who was still staring at the screen, mumbling in French, clearly lost in thought.

“Does that mean you plan on gettin’ preggo again because I know you and Dr. Perky have a strange kinda relationship. She seems to be the type of girlie that if she could would make you do it,” Jack continued to joke much to Daniel’s growing annoyance. 

“Please leave,” Daniel growled, stressing each word when another sensation hit him, nausea and he reached out for Carolyn, who was talking to Adrienne, he needed a pan, he needed something, but no one was watching but Jack as he erupted his lunch onto the floor. 

“Indy!” he heard his wife finally shout out, rushing to his side, too late for a bucket, but with a towel in hand, cautiously stepping around his mess. 

“What in the hell; you haven’t throw up in weeks? Have you?” he asked, swearing slightly, trembling as she often did after throwing up. Leaning over, she wiped his face sweetly, reaching for a pan in case he were to get sick again. 

“No sha, not for weeks,” she whispered sadly, knowing instantly what he was going through. 

“Then why am I?” he choked out, heaving again, holding the pan to his head while Adrienne ran her fingers gently through his hair. 

“They’re called hormones my friend, hormones. Oh this is gonna be so much fun...” Jack replied in her stead, still smiling. 

“What are you talking about Jack?” Daniel spat over his shoulder, trying to control the bile working its way up his throat. 

“Uh, when the head of archaeology, who happens to be a MALE in his LATE forties regardless of whatever other crazy shit that makes you NOT appear that way and one of my closest friends turns up pregnant, I tend to think I need to stick around to help,” the general answered coolly, still smiling, a task he was refusing to delegate to anyone else. 

“No,” Daniel answered flatly. 

“Really? I was expecting you to be touched by the close friend statement,” he shot back, frowning. Peering over his glasses, the frames barely hanging on his face, Daniel looked up at his wife pleading.

“Ad, ja-wer...” he said, waiting for her to intervene, but she shrugged, pausing before answering to glance back at the last image, still frozen on the monitor. 

“Indy, look, the problem’s solved. Jonas and I can check the cities, Cam and Dex can check the Bushido temples, get the ZPM and head home,” she responded, an evil glare in return. 

“I could call Vala,” she added, Daniel dropping the empty pan into the floor. 

“Jack, my quarters. We are staying in my quarters.” 

*****

Daniel had yet to make it to his quarters. 

“Sha, listen to me. If you take these pills and then sit down, quietly, it takes a bit but it works,” Adrienne tried to reason, handing him over the prescription bottle of nausea meds but he shooed them away, readjusting things around his desk. 

“Adrienne, I need to be here and make sure that everything is in order before you leave,  uh....” Daniel started to reply, leaning over to dry heave into the trashcan, “you would be insisting on staying too,” his voice echoed from the bin. 

“I’ve had a little more practice with the space invader than you have...” she replied cautiously, knowing how truly stubborn her spouse could be, forcing herself not to laugh as well at his predicament. He was pregnant, completely, totally, they played with his biology a lot pregnant and it was too funny for words. 

“Keep going Jonas,” that trashcan voice echoed, urging Jonas to continue speaking. 

“Dr. Perky can read R2,” Jack informed him, not wanting to hear Jonas drone on any longer about the planet, receiving a quickly thrust middle finger in return. 

“Damn, he doesn’t even try to hide it when he’s in the family way,” the general added, Jonas shaking his head but continuing as Daniel requested. 

“Given that we are assuming the similarities are enough to pull this off, Addy’s too old to be Maiko, we’re going to have to make sure she can pass as a fully trained Geisha,” Jonas said, taking pictures over to lay them on the center table, pausing, breathing in deeply and setting them down one by one. 

“How far into Geisha training are we talking guys? Tea ceremony and etiquette or full on Kabuki theatre?” Adrienne asked, running her finger carefully over the pictures of the gorgeous outfits, excited to be able to fit in one again, if only for a week. 

“Which one doesn’t leave Adrienne alone with a man?” Daniel asked, head from trashcan as his wife frowned at him. 

“What are you talking about Daniel?” she said, rolling her eyes, wondering if this was going to go down, when she remembered and smiled. Leaving the table for a moment she walked over to where he was sitting, resting her palm on his back. 

“Stop,” she whispered lightly so only he could hear. 

“I just can’t and I, like this,” he started to stammer, Adrienne shaking her head.  

“It’s the hormones. It’s what I think every day Indy, every day,” she admitted quietly, Jack turning his back to them to talk to Jonas, giving them privacy. 

“I would never even for a second think of anyone but you ja-wer,” he said,  gazing up at her, his face distraught. 

“Me neither, ZPM or not. So, stop that, all of that and take it easy. Galen’s rough on you, I know. I love you,” she whispered in his ear, kissing it lightly. 

“I love you too and Galen’s not so bad. Where’s that from?” he asked, wiping his face out of paranoia more than anything else as Adrienne blushed, trying not to laugh. 

“Dark Horse comics,” she said quickly, walking back to the table. 

“What’s that?” he asked, not trusting the look on her face. 

“More Star Wars,” she erupted into laughter, heading back to see what this training would entail.

*****

“I feel like Mulan,” Adrienne declared some time later, twirling herself in front of a mirror in the lab. It was part of Jonas and Cam’s final trip back down from the Odyssey, the Asgard replicator machine easily pumping out two full suits of Samurai armor as well as a kimono for Adrienne and matching business man attire for Jonas. 

“Who’s Mulan?” Jonas asked, knowing his friend well enough to know it was yet another movie reference but with Adrienne it was impossible to keep up. 

“Ad, Mulan is Chinese,” Daniel corrected, upright now, walking, pacing really, and worrying Jonas as to exactly how his body was taking this drastic change. 

“Same idea,” she countered, smiling at Jonas ready to explain, “cartoon, based on myth. Woman impersonates man to go to war in place of her father rather than be part of an arranged marriage.” 

“Sounds like your kind of girl,” Jonas replied as Daniel marched up beside him. 

“Adrienne, really, you of all people? Same idea? I mean, Ow! Why are you doing that!” he scolded, wincing, shaking his head in pain. 

“Why am I doing what? Being right? Both societies had relatively the same attitudes towards woman and their usefulness,” his wife replied, scowling, seeming to have second thoughts about her soft blue garb, the pink center fabric in particular. 

“Not you, the baby! Dammit can’t we agree on a name so I know what I can yell at him?” Daniel spat, Jack rolling his eyes and pulling up a chair. 

“Sure, got a suggestion?” Adrienne shrugged, Jack raising his hand. 

“Yep, the creature that made Daniel whine more than I thought was humanly possible,” he suggested. 

“Ebo,” Daniel said, rubbing his belly as he walked. Creepy, Jack thought to himself, watching his happy young little wife dance around while he is huge and pregnant, just plain creepy.

“Ya got me on dat one sha, dat’s like me pulling out obscure Hebrew on ya,” she teased,  looking back from the mirror, her lips a deep red making her pale make-up clad face seem even paler. 

“Not as common a name but OW! It means “born on Tuesday” as in today. As in I’m gonna make Carolyn get this thing out of me,” Daniel shouted out, raging at his stomach, his glasses falling off of his face, a hand pressed to his back, the vein at his forehead throbbing. 

“Jack do you have your phone?” Adrienne asked, erupting into laughing, leaning over onto her knees, choking as the tight dress restrained her. 

“Already recording,” he responded, pointing the gadget at Daniel, the red light on the faceplate blinking as Daniel face changed, a finger shoving his glasses up his nose, his eyes reddening as they laughed. 

“Stop, both of you this isn’t funny. This is...,” he trailed, tears falling down his cheeks freely, “Not funny. Why am I crying?” he asked, wiping them away, sitting down, wetness continuing to cascade down his face. 

“Indy, sha, welcome to my reality,” Adrienne smiled, readjusting herself, grabbing the fans from the center table to try the dance from the video she had cued up on her iPad. 

“But I’m just mildly frustrated why do I feel like someone died,” Daniel sobbed out, smacking the phone from Jack’s hand, letting his head collapse into his hands. Jonas started to take a step forward to offer comfort, something, but Adrienne shook her head, knowing how when she felt such swings herself she didn’t want to be patronized. Nodding in understanding, Jonas stepped away watching Daniel fall apart in front of him.

“Because there is another human residing in your innards,” she answered simply, beginning the fan dance again, slowly, crouching and dipping more like it was a fight than a dance. 

“Less video game like,” Jack criticized, Adrienne frowning and beginning again, more robotic this time, Jonas now scrunching up his face. 

“Do you think music would help?” the suggested, walking over to the computer to find something appropriate the sobbing continuing from behind him. 

“I can’t even cry without it beating me to death,” Daniel wailed, Adrienne rolling her eyes to start again. 

“I know sha, I know,” she answered patiently, as patiently as she could understanding but still annoyed. I really hope that I am not this bad to him, she thought, clearing her throat to start again. 

“Ready,” she said, Jonas starting the music, a slow Japanese selection. Turning her head lightly to the left first, Adrienne let her eyes trail the fan in her matching hand, lifting the arm to meet her gaze, stepping out slowly with her left leg when she heard him sobbing again. 

“For cryin’ out loud Daniel, Dr. Perky has got to learn this to pull this off, otherwise there is no point to you having a bun in the over other than my own personal amusement,” Jack hissed, Daniel lifting his head, wiping his face, angry now, standing walking over to Jack. 

“Your amusement!? Do you know how many stupid situations you have gotten into over the years that I am not sitting here choosing to point out to embarrass you!?! Do you!?!  Should I start with the earlier years of the program or just the most recent episodes of idiocy??!” he screamed, his wife racing up to catch him by his chest. 

“Stop Daniel. Now,” she ordered, glancing back at Jack and Jonas, “ I’m gonna get Daniel to lay down. I’ll be right back.” Jack started to joke and Jonas to argue, but she glared at them both in warning, her dark cajun eyes daring them to protest. It was the same glance she gave to Daniel as he opened his mouth, shutting it quickly as she took his hand, leading him from the lab. 

“This isn’t necessary,” he hissed the moment they were away from earshot, pulling his hand from her clasp. 

“What?” she played stupid, walking the best she could in the dress to the elevators, the wooden sandals clacking loudly on the tiles. 

“Taking me to bed,” he replied as she knew he would, hobbling along beside her. 

“You do it to me all of the time,” she pointed out, reaching the elevators and tapping the button. The doors opened as he was frowning already, following behind her as she entered. 

“Yea, but, nuh uh, I’m not gonna let you catch me,” he started to argue and stopped, getting the sinking feeling that this was going to bite him in the ass later if he kept talking. 

“I’m not trying to. Seriously, I’ve adjusted to what he takes out of you, you haven’t. Sleep and Jack’ll bring you down something to eat in a while,” she assured him, tapping the button for their level before peering back over at him. 

“Can’t you call Teyla?” he asked, not looking forward to Adrienne leaving in the morning, leaving him high and dry and with Jack. 

“Already did. She’s training some cadets and then will have Torrin but has promised to come and check on you,” Adrienne answered, reaching out for his hand. 

“Thank you ja-wer,” he whispered, squeezing her fingers strongly. 

“I told you, I understand, I do mon amour,” she replied, looking over at him, a smile across her face. Biting her lower lip, she raced over to the control panel, hitting the emergency stop and deactivating the camera. 

“What are you doing? “ he questioned, frowning, his crystal blue eyes cutting themselves sharply at her. 

“Me? Gonna make out with you in the elevator. I’m feeling like myself again,” she teased, bringing her lips to his neck and reaching her hands for his belt buckle. 

*****

When Daniel awoke the next morning, his neck in pain having to sleep on his left side, on Adrienne’s side so they could be close, she was gone, a note on the nightstand saying she was getting dressed. Jack must have come by too, there was breakfast laid out on the desk, so Daniel stood, painfully and ate the entire offering, all four waffles, the apple and the entire carton of juice. 

“This is unreal little guy,” he told his abdomen, a kick in response as he trudged over to get dressed. 

*****

“Wow,” was really all he could say when he saw his wife standing in the jumper bay in full Geisha attire. She had been wearing the dress yesterday, he had taken the dress off of her yesterday, but it hadn’t looked like this. She was stunning, her dark eyes seeming to explode from the white make-up carefully painted on her cheeks. 

“I know right? Jaw up Indy, you know I can rock a dress,” she teased, smiling, walking, no gliding, over to greet him, her motions very soft and unAdrienne. She could certainly play the part. 

“That should do it,” Sam agreed, slipping in a side entrance eyeing Adrienne’s garb. The kimono was the same as yesterday, a pale blue, but Daniel was now noticing that the wrap around the center was not at all what he had originally thought, it was multicolored, a cream that changed to a peach that changed to a red, the black outline of a cherry tree drawn to the right hand side.  The bottom of the kimono was covered in blossoms that carefully matched the color scheme at her waist and the floral effects in her dark hair. She wore traditional Geisha makeup, whitened face, soft pink over the eyes and red lips, but it was the pencil at her thin eyebrows and at the lids themselves that made her eyes more mysterious then he had ever seen them before. He was completely taken aback and was just about to reach out for her when there were footsteps behind him. 

“And so should that,” Jonas said, “you guys definitely look the part.” Having forgotten about the other half of the mission, his attentions focused on his current predicament and his wife, Daniel turned to see Ronon and Cam enter, large horned helmets with intimidating dangling masks tucked underneath their arms. The replicator had done its job as well, both men covered from head to toe in black horizontal leatherwork overlain at the joints by carefully welded metal, a lighter substitute for Iron Daniel hoped. Both wore the traditional thigh pads, attached under what metal and leather skirt that adorned their waist, all accented with a padded leather vest. Both men carried two swords that he could see, although Daniel was certain that their armor hide at least three more blades. 

 “Did you read over the information I sent to your office Cam?” Jonas asked, in a business suit himself, flicking around on the iPad in a very Adrienne-like fashion. 

“Yes and watched The Last Samurai to boot,” he added, smiling at the very archaeologist in question who shrugged as all of the eyes in the room descended on her. 

“Oh come on, it’s pretty historically accurate all things considered...” she argued, Daniel already shaking his head. 

“You guys ready?” Sam asked, changing the subject, anxious to see this through, “Rodney will be beaming you up to the Daedalus and the crew will take you to the planet's orbit. It’s only a few hours, fortunately, puddle jumper and from there you’re on your own.”

“Got it,” Cam answered, adjusting the sword at his side, “All right people. Let’s hope the Furlings are the real deal,” he announced, proceeding to the designated beaming area. 

“Adrienne, I, please don’t do anything risky, don’t, don’t get hurt. And some Geisha, they sell, services, and I,” Daniel started, reaching out for his wife with one hand, his eyes red, his face distressed, his other hand resting on his belly. 

“Sha, these hormones are kicking your ass. Please take it easy. I’m fine, I’m gonna stick to the plan and,” she leaned in, bringing her lips close to his ear, “you’re the only man whose bed I want to be in, ok? And I want to be in it when I get back...” she added, disregarding their company to kiss his neck lightly, hoping to leave him with that lingering thought and memory from last night. 

“You had to do that didn’t you?” he hissed, willing his body to control itself. 

“You’re not crying anymore are you? Now, you just stay here with Jack, watch a movie and take good care of Aragorn for me,” she said, squeezing his palms as she backed up, trying to keep a straight face. 

“This is a joke to you, isn’t it?” he asked, not missing her latest name suggestion. 

“No comment, ana bahbak,” she replied as the columns of light shimmered all around her body.

*****

“We’ll drop you and Ronon on the outskirts of the city. You’ll need to take a carriage to the temples while Addy & I cloak the jumper and leave it closer to the city,” Jonas instructed as Cam brought the puddle jumper into the planets orbit, peering over his shoulder in confusion as he steadied their descent. 

“You know how to drive a jumper?” he asked the Langaran, his eyes cutting over at Ronon to see if there was something that his companion knew that he didn’t. 

“I do,” Adrienne answered happily, shuffling gracefully in her wooden sandals, her hands shooing him from the seat. 

“Since when?” he challenged but stood, her eyes glaring at him through the layers of make-up.

“Since I can’t run all massive and with child. I got bored, needed an outlet so I asked John to teach me,” she answered, crossing her arms across her chest, daring him to question. 

“Ok girlie, ok, thought we left the hormones back with Jackson,” he stood, throwing up his hands in surrender as she took his seat. 

“Cute Cam, ya think ya and Dex can manage to keep ya heads attached ta ya bodies while I get da ZPM and save da day?” she inquired with a smile, sticking out her tongue at him before pulling it quickly into her mouth as to not destroy her carefully painted lips. 

“The smartass is back, I missed you,” Cam said, reaching to hug her and mess up her make-up when she got into a stance, laughing as she did. 

“It’s amazing how soft little mini-Jackson makes me. Little bugger, he’s lucky I love him,” she laughed back, returned to a normal standing position in her kimono, looking to Ronon to see that he was ready. 

“Stay safe girl. You too Jonas,” he stated, Cam reaching over to hit the button to beam them to the surface. 

“You ready?” Jonas turned to her the moment they were gone, inquiring, knowing she’d been out of missions of this sort for nearly four months and posing as a Geisha wasn’t exactly an easy thing to do. 

“Do you mean am I used to being myself again?” she asked in return, nearly reading his mind. 

“That too...” he responded, feeling it useless to lie but the look on her face was clear. 

She was ready

She had missed this. 

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m just hoping that for all of this trouble we find a ZPM,” she started, pausing to chuckle lightly, “and I am wondering what in the hell Indy is doing right now.” 

*****

Daniel was sitting at the desk in his quarters, trying to work, his brain attempting to focus on the next closest planet that might house a ZPM while his son decided to pommel his insides when it hit him. 

“Shit,” he mumbled, knowing it was coming, glancing disdainfully at the bottle of water at his right hand, the third bottle of water that he had had in an hour. He knew that was a bad idea, but he had just been so thirsty. 

“What?” Jack questioned from the bed, setting the remote down to glance over at him, some stupid cartoon character dancing around on the TV screen. Oh how I miss zombies, Daniel thought, standing and hoping his small passenger would stay off of his bladder. 

“I’ve gotta pee,” he grumbled, waddling his way to the bathroom.

“So...” Jack led, failing to see how this was a crisis and hoping to whatever gods might be watching over him that Daniel wouldn’t start crying again. 

“So, just, well, nevermind, I’ll be right back,” Daniel stammered, holding his lower back, wincing, his free hand fumbling for the knob. Rolling his eyes, wondering what in the world Daniel was talking about, Jack pointing the clicker back at the TV, appreciating Dr. Perky’s taste in electronics when he realized what was wrong, erupting into laughter. 

“Oh wait, you can’t reach,” Jack started, “you don’t know where it is;  you’re not used to being a fat guy,” the remote fell to the floor as the general tossed his legs over the edge, gasping for air. 

“It’s not funny Jack,” Daniel spat back, not wanting to mention that this morning he had just relieved himself  in the shower and that had been an unpleasant experience he didn’t care to repeat. 

“No Daniel, you’re right,  it’s not funny,” Jack composed himself, standing, “It’s hysterical!” he choked out, cracking up once more. 

“I’ll figure it out,” Daniel spat, opening the bathroom door and slamming it strongly behind him. 

“Do you need some help? I’m not volunteering, but I can call Vala. She’d come running,” Jack said from the other side, still laughing, as Daniel made his way to the toilet, staring pitifully. 

“I’m standing here, six months pregnant and I’m really debating my dignity,” he muttered to himself, shucking his pants to the floor and sitting, hoping that these next few days would fly by quickly.

*****

“Ok Jonas mon ami, we have arrived,” Adrienne declared, cloaking the jumper before landing it just outside of what looked to be a corral of empty carriages on the outskirts of the city. 

“You think you can do this?” Jonas asked, his thoughts racing, his mind in a million directions, all of which led to his planet, his people and his real concern: this was their hope, “I mean, Addy, you’re always saying how lousy of an actress you are...” he trailed, not wanting to offend, but she didn’t seem bothered in the least, her painted red smile breaking out into a broad smile. 

“Ah, but, pregnancy has given me great practice. I have to act all of the time, like the baby isn’t beating me to death, like I don't want to kill my husband for smothering me, acting like I’m not going to vomit, all acting. I’m just glad they were seeded by the Alterans. If I had to speak Japanese we’d be in a gah damn mal pris,” she joked, setting the key passwords on the controls before straightening her kimono and wrap. 

“Not one of your ten or whatever?” he asked, trying to remember exactly how many Taur’i languages this Dr. Jackson spoke. 

“Nyet,” she answered quickly. 

“That’s Russian,” Jonas responded, thinking that was Russian from what he had read. 

“My point exactly shug,” she laughed in reply, “let’s go bag my honey some crystals.” 

***** 

It wasn’t exactly the mountainous terrain in the movie, but the village wasn’t that far off. The homes were one story, thin walls with what seemed to be paper windows, careful tiled roofs decorate with patron deities at each corner. 

“Gotta be bad ass when they barely have a front door,” Ronon noted, many homes seeming to have no doors at all. 

“Then I guess you’ve got your work cut out for you,” the colonel joked in return, his hand to his forehead as he scanned ahead for signs of someone that they may be able to speak to but there was no one on guard, just rows and rows of women and teenagers tending to their fields. Squinting into the bright sunlight Cam could make out that one of the houses in the back was slightly larger and more decorated, maybe even a temple perhaps. 

“When all else fails, go to the big building,” he instructed, pointing his sword ahead. 

*****

It was about seven o’clock in the evening when Daniel was starting to worry again, wondering if Adrienne had made it to the planet alright, how she was doing, if she was safe. Were it not for the intense fighting going on in his stomach, his wife’s shared womb, whatever, he would have completely forgotten about food. 

Well, that or Jack’s gleeful banging on the other side of his door, his eager friend only happy to service as needed. 

“Oh Daniel! I brought you food!!” he shouted, doing a terrible impression of Desi Arnez. 

“I’m quite capable of going down to the cafeteria myself,” Daniel shouted back, standing, wincing as his back started to ache again, waddling to the door to allow Jack to enter. Turning the knob, he stepped back, the general smiling brightly in jeans and a black t-shirt, all too glad to be using this as an excuse to avoid more paperwork. 

“Nuh uh, Sam said you have to stay put so the personnel under the thumb of the IOA don’t get panicked that our little elven friends can start knocking people up with a snap of their wee little fingers,” he replied as he passed on by Daniel, heading straight for the desk, a paper grocery bag in hand. 

“It’s my baby Jack and it’s clear that the Ktaenam came and made the switch in order for Adrienne to complete a vital mission. A switch, with my WIFE,” Daniel stressed, closing the door and waiting to insure that the lock was activated. 

“Which made YOU a PREGNANT MAN. I’m not arguing this with you. Sam said you stay here and we’re gonna stay here, end of story. Now, do you want to know what I got you to eat or not?” the general inquired, setting the bag onto the desk and reaching inside. 

“Sure,” the archaeologist relented, approaching the surface, the child inside his body writhing wildly. A grin from ear to ear, Jack pulled his hands out of the bag, passing over a jar to his friend, his laughter uncontrollable. 

Pickles, Daniel thought, the ass brought me pickles. 

Why can’t Adrienne be here? 

“I thought the ice cream would melt too fast between here and the cafeteria,” Jack gasped out, Daniel’s eyes rolling wildly. 

“I’m not hungry,” he lied, his son protesting those very words violently. 

“You’ve got to be hungry. The Mrs. eats like a horse,” Jack countered, reaching in the bag to produce some peanut butter and crackers. Ok, Daniel thought, that’s not so bad... 

“I am hungry,” he relented, sighing, “Really hungry, but, well, just, not for that.” He hated to admit it but he had been craving on and off and now that there was food here in front of him, the desires were just going crazy. 

“Ok, what can I bring you?” Jack asked, folding the bag, standing back to await his friend’s response. He’s not kidding, Daniel thought, he’s trying to be helpful. 

“Pizza,” Daniel started, testing, gauging the reaction. 

“Alright, fine, pizza. I can even get delivery. What do you want on it?” Jack asked, scanning the room in case this was a long list. 

“Chocolate chips,” Daniel spat out before he could think, his child doing the talking for him. 

“What?” Jack questioned, his eyes back on Daniel’s rather than searching for a writing implement. 

“And carrots,” he added, hanging his head at the admission. 

Damn mini-Adrienne. 

“I was on board with the chocolate pizza believe it or not, but carrots?” Jack inquired, frowning, completely confused. 

“This kid is half Adrienne’s remember?” Daniel replied, his eyes scanning the pickles, debating. 

“Got it, add Spinach then,” Jack said, no tone, fully serious, making Daniel wonder exactly what he had up his sleeve next when a thought hit him, the archaeologist spinning around to face the general. 

“Oh! Wait, spinach pie, you know, greek style, I’m not going to try to get you to pronounce the name, can I get that too. There’s a stand not too far from here I think, that would be good, the pizza, the pie, maybe a gyro...” Daniel paused running the food truck’s menu through his head as Jack stood staring, his jaw to the floor. 

“Anything else honey?” he asked sarcastically. Biting his lip Daniel frowned, muttering something to his belly before glancing back up at the general. 

“Baklava. Hell, scratch the pizza, get greek and a few candy bars,” Daniel directed, changing his mind as Jack smiled, bringing another smaller, whiter bag from inside the sack. 

“So this bag of cheese burgers is a no then?” Jack asked shaking the bag in front. 

“Not at all, hand that over,” Daniel replied quickly, reaching for the bag, yanking it from the general’s hand. 

“For cryin’ out loud Daniel is there anything that you aren’t going to eat?” he exclaimed, deciding it was best he leave the jar of pickles as well. 

“Chinese, for some reason the idea of chinese take-out makes me sick,” Daniel added thoughtfully, Jack shaking his head in annoyance. 

“Yes master, I shall bring you the food of your wife's fake people anything else?” O’Neill grumbled as he made his way to the door. Scanning the table Daniel reached for the jar of pickles, hoping he had a knife around here to cut them and add them to the burgers when he heard the door open behind him. 

“Ice Cream Jack! I still want that ice cream,” he shouted over as he opened the jar. 

******

“Ok and this is the part in the film where the big head honcho guy pops out of nowhere with his mad ninja skills and asks what do we want,” Cam said with a sigh, passing the canteen of water over to Ronon who as sitting beside him on the steps to the temple, waiting as well. 

“Well, I’m not gonna complain about not getting attacked,” the Sataedan replied, picking his fingernails with a knife pushing the water away.

“We can’t just sit here all day,” Cam added, frustrated, watching farm woman pass on by, not a one even making eye contact. 

“Probably not,” he agreed, continuing to pick his nails. Problem solver you are not my friend, the colonel thought to himself, standing to gaze at the open door of the temple. 

“I’m gonna go in there,” he declared, peering down at Dex. 

“I’ll come running if you scream,” was all he replied, Cam thinking instantly how if Adrienne was Daniel’s soul mate that this man certainly was Vala’s. Adjusting his armor, Cam puffed out his chest, marching proudly into  the candle-lit temple.

The temple itself was amazing, the decor inside more than made up for the thin paper-like walls that made up the exterior. Lining the walls were suit after suit of armor lit spectacularly by a single candle under each, some of the outfits so old that they seemed to be held together by unnatural forces. There was no one unifying thing about the uniforms, they spanned the ages, wrapping around in a semi-circle, silent soldiers guarding a center shrine, large, golden, positioned in front of a tree. Thinking Earth, Cameron half expected to see a Buddha, even though both Adrienne and Jonas had told him that would not be the case, but the tree wasn’t even a statue, but a living bonsai like tree. Odd thing to worship, he thought, stepping forward, the tree itself seeming to breathe as it flickered in the candle light. 

“We wondered how long it would take for you to enter,” a voice said from beside the tree, stepping out, all ninja-like as Cam expected outside. The owner of the voice was a man, his face more Native American than Asian, his skin nearly as dark as the robes he was wearing, those at least appearing traditional Japanese. 

“Uh, we weren’t sure if we should come in or wait,” Cam answered, not having anything better to say, the man stepping closer to him and down from the shrine platform. 

“It would not have mattered. We knew you meant no harm. Otherwise we would have stopped you,” he answered, smiling, folding his hands in front of him. 

“Guess that’s a good thing, but how did you know?” the colonel continued, nervously. his eyes darting left and right to see if he was being surrounded as he stood here, having a very strange conversation with a strangely confusing man. 

“You are too pale to come from the south and we harbor no ill will to the north,” he replied simply, walking right past Cameron toward the main open doors. 

“Right, yeah, good point,” Cam responded, turning to follow hoping Ronon wouldn’t leap up, armed, at the sight of their host. 

“The weather must be poor. You are our third set of visitors in as many months, warriors heading south to escape the snow. One cannot train in this manner,” he continued, Cam nodding in reply, albeit unsure as to what he was talking about. 

“Are you seeking refuge or just passing through?” the man asked, pausing at the doorway. Luck, Cam’s brain was racing, this is a stroke of luck. 

“Passing through,” he choked out, hoping his lie was not seen, but it must not have as the man paced carefully through the portal, pulling his hands from his robes and extending them to Ronon.

“Greetings, to you both. I am Kelchui, the leader of our village. Your friend says you are passing through from the north,” he started, Cam’s companion standing quickly, taking the man’s hand and bowing low. 

“Ronon,” he answered, to Cam’s shock, since Jonas had assigned them false names, hard to pronounce names, but false ones, “this is my friend Cameron.” 

“Ronon, Cameron, welcome. It is almost the hour for training, then the evening meal and then meditation. I am glad to see you both in armor, that way you do not have to take time to prepare. Please, come this way,” Kelchui said, walking down the temple stairs toward an open field in the near distance. 

“At least they’re feeding us after they beat our asses,” Ronon noted walking on. 

“Oh joy,” Cam replied, wondering exactly who he was supposed to fight.    

*****

“Konichwa, my name is Aki and I would like to present to you Ichisumi. We have traveled from the south to seek employment in your establishment,” Jonas introduced, sweeping his hands back at Adrienne before bowing low to the men behind the desk, keeping his eyes on the large woman behind them, the one who was obviously in charge.  The Langaran stood, his blue eyes darting around the room, wondering if their hosts were going to speak. There had been no problems when they arrived, a kind mixture of people, both racially and economically, pointing to the direction of the main tea house, where a man in a servant’s suit ushered them to a waiting area. It had taken barely thirty minutes to be called back, where he and Adrienne were told to sit, well he was told to sit and Addy to stand, but they had sat in silence for a few moments before Jonas had spoken. 

Evidently, he was going to have to speak again. 

“We’ve heard from traders that we had the best opportunity to increase our earnings here; I feel that Ichisumi has greater potential then is offered to her in the north,” Jonas offered, cautiously, hoping that Vala’s suggestion to say they were from the north, that Adrienne’s pale complexion and his own blonde hair would make it more believable, would indeed work. 

“We do not take in geiko like strays,” the woman spoke first, proving to Jonas that she was indeed in charge. Nodding, Jonas turned his body to address her, catching Adrienne’s eyes directing themselves to her as well. 

“We are not asking to be taken in. I know the procedure and I am prepared to have Ichisumi perform to be judged by yourself Okisan,” Jonas addressed her directly, using the proper Japanese title. Crossing her arms at her chest, the woman peered over at the man seated nearest to her, who leaned forward across the desk, eyeing Adrienne carefully. 

“She has strange eyes, not blue like those from the north,” he stated, gazing at her face looking for other discrepancies. Vala had warned of that as well, that while the southern portion of the area seemed to be inhabited by people of seemingly Asian and related descent, the inhabitants of the north were strictly Scandinavian in appearance. What they were not were pale with near black eyes. 

“She is my sister, our mother was of mixed decent. She has trained hard to be Geisha to provide for our family and I can assure you that she is very talented,” Jonas insisted, glancing up at Adrienne in case she needed to prove said talent then and there. The smaller of the two men, the only person in the room other than Adrienne yet to have spoken, stood, looking over the cajun as if she were a cut of meat. 

“I like her eyes. They are enchanting,” he said, his face so close to Addy’s, studying her, examining every inch of her person. 

“That is what they said in our homeland,” Jonas spoke quickly, thinking fast, deciding that selling Adrienne as an exotic might just be their way through this.

“Where are you from again?” the Okisan asked, panic coursing through Jonas’ body, when the smaller man stood upright once more, shaking his head. 

“I like her look. We will hold a tea ceremony tonight. It is a practice for a the provincial governor’s upcoming visit. She may assist with the ceremony. If she does well then we can allow her to try employment here,” he instructed the others, both cutting their eyes at him. 

*****

John hadn’t been kidding about Ronon and watching him fight with the wooden practice swords Cam suddenly wondered how in the world his non-alien friends kept up in those sparring matches he was involved with. The Sateadan was able to bob, weave, pop around and even when Kelchui added in a second and third warrior, he just kept going like it was nothing. 

“You may rest,” the village leader announced, both to Cameron’s relief and dismay. Yes, Ronon might be finished but on the other hand that would make it his turn. Wiping his brow, finally, Ronon came to sit beside Cam on the tuft of grass, leaning over and smiling. 

“That was great,” he declared, folding his long arms into his lap, looking out to the next pair of warriors, which thankfully did not include the colonel. 

“Glad you think so,” Cam whispered watching two men much smaller than himself move at a speed that seemed to defy the laws of space time. The grace with which they moved, however, was to be respected as well as feared, making him vow to spend more time in the gym and less time in his office upon their return. There was a click clack exchange of blows, wood against wood both men moving as though they would never grow tired. His heart raced in his chest as he watched, unsure as to whether or not he could hold his own against the man they would pair him with, so he barely noticed the hard slap on his back, his friend bringing him to reality. 

“Mitchell, you’re up,” he heard, sort of, just as he sort of remembered standing and being handed a practice sword, making him feel slightly less naked in his undergarments with the large wooden staff. 

Taking a breath, Cam stepped into the area, an invisible circle on the grass, cracking his back before looking forward, at no one. 

“I’m ready,” he said quietly, peering back at Kelchui and then Ronon in confusion. Again, there was no response, Cameron standing by himself in the center area. 

“Isao, come to the center,” Kelchui ordered, Cam took a deep breath, looking forward to see his opponent. 

He almost turned and ran. 

Standing before him was not a Samurai but more like a Sumo wrestler, making him instantly concerned that he had been watching the wrong movies before they had come. The man wasn’t disrespectful or discourteous in the least, he simply took his stance and clasped his hands at his center, bowing low in front of Cam.  

“Hi there big guy. Let’s do this,” Cam bowed in return, standing quickly and putting up his hands. There was no fancy standoff, nothing impressive, just a quick slip into their stances, both men starting to attack instantaneously. His opponent was large, too large to use his feet or for a foot to make it near the giant’s face, so he used his feet to dance around and his clever hands throwing out a punch or hook when he could, landing a few here and there and taking a few hits himself.  His face hurt, he was sure his cheek was a mess of black and blue already, but Isao had a few marks on himself as well, so Cam didn’t feel like it was a total wash. The fight seemed to last forever, Cam dodging and weaving as Ronon had before, until again there was a voice in the distance.

“We had no idea such great fighters were in the north,” Kelchui declared, stepping in front of him, between him and his opponent, his body finally feeling the result of the exertion as it came to a stop. Wiping his forehead with his arm, the colonel glanced up at the village leader, a smirk on his face.

“We had no idea our southern neighbors were so soft,” he joked, hoping, praying it would be taken the right way. Kelchui stood, Isao at his side, unmoved for a moment before breaking out into riotous laughter. 

“How long will you be needing accommodations?” he inquired, his hands carefully slipping into his sleeves. 

“Just a few days and then we are moving on,” Cam replied, still breathless, standing from his knees. 

“Where are you headed then?” the leader continued, looking at both men. 

“West,” Ronon answered, thinking that the direction of the rendezvous point would not be a lie and would answer the question, which it must have, as Kelchui nodded solemnly and held out his hand again, indicating they return to the temple. 

*****

Jack sat in the desk chair, his feet propped up happily on the top, a cheeseburger in one hand and one of those damn cheese pies in another. Daniel’s stomach hadn’t been as large as he had thought and Jack was more than happy to share the leftovers. The program on the TV ended, some stupid History Channel special Daniel had been watching, and Jack glanced at the clock seeing it was nearly ten. 

“Look, night shift is on, Carolyn says that you need to walk around some. I’ll get Teal’c to clear the corridor,” the general offered, tossing his food aside before slamming his boots onto the floor. Sighing, rubbing his very full belly, both with child and too much food, Daniel peered over at the clock as well, nodding in agreement. 

“Thank you Jack, you’ve been really, well, mature about all of this,” Daniel admitted as he sat up, honestly glad that his old friend had been around to help. 

“And you’ve misjudged me for all of these years,” Jack joked as he stood, shoving the chair underneath as he waited for Daniel to join him, who didn’t. Instead, his uncomfortable friend just stayed in the semi-upright position, propped up carefully on his elbows. 

“Are ya coming?” Jack asked, rolling his eyes at the door. Rather than answer there was   a grunt from the make-shift queen bed, the noise followed by a look of sheer panic on the archaeologist’s face. 

“I can’t,” he choked out, remembering instantly the first time that this had happened to Adrienne and her reaction. He had remained calm while she panicked but sitting here, feeling exactly what she had so intricately described to him as the tears flowed freely from her eyes, he felt a worry of his own rise into his stomach. 

“You can’t what?” Jack questioned, walking back over to where Daniel was obviously struggling to get up. 

“I can’t stand,” Daniel hissed, twisting and turning, trying to do this himself and failing miserably. 

“What do you mean you can’t stand?” the question really rhetorical as Jack stood there staring at his friend’s legs, contorted in some strange position that didn’t make any good biological sense in the least. 

“I mean, my legs are not in my hip joints so I can’t stand,” Daniel clarified, his eyes gazing up over his glasses at Jack pitifully as Jack’s own widened before he raced madly to the phone. 

“I’ll call Carolyn,” he spat out, lifting the receiver and beginning to dial, Daniel waving his hands wildly in the negative. 

“No, you just have to put them in place,” he added, pointing to the mess that was his lower half, his son beating him wildly in frustration.

“Wait, me?” Jack questioned, freezing where he stood, his own eyes widening in concern. 

“Yes you, come here,” Daniel shouted, frowning, frustrated now more than anything. 

“Uh, no, I don’t lean that way,” the general answered quickly shaking his head and his hands in front of his face. 

“Goddam it Jack, it’s not that way!  I have to do this to Adrienne all of the time,” Daniel continued, still yelling, flailing, trapped. 

“Right, Adrienne and YOU, not YOU and ME,” Jack stepped back, a frown of his own across his face. 

“Jack listen, all you have to do is reach between my legs..” 

“And that’s where I leave..” 

“No,” Daniel shouted back, nearly falling from the bed, his hand protectively holding his abdomen, “It’s my knees, you just reach between my knees and shift everything back into place!!” 

“I said no.” 

Taking a deep breath Daniel calmed the explosion that was about to erupt from his mouth, an explosion which he was surprised including cajun swear words, wow he and Adrienne had been together way too long...

“Jack, we are both friends. Grown, married, male, straight friends. Fix my hips!! Ow!!” Daniel retorted, shouting out in pain. 

“What? I didn’t touch anything!” Jack shouted right back, holding his hands up in the air as his friend struggled on the bed. 

“No, not you ow! Baby ow!! Stop kicking!!!!,” Daniel screamed at his belly, throwing himself back in frustration, “How in the HELL does she do this???’

“And for you no less, that’s the part I can’t get over,” Jack relented, taking a step forward, reaching uncomfortably for his cohorts legs. 

“Alright, this is simple. I’m going to lay back like this,” Daniel started, spreading his legs wide, Jack’s jaw dropping, “and you reach here, between my knees and push out while I push in and when you start to feel a pop shove my legs towards my hips.”  Taking a breath, the general reached forward, stepping between his friend’s legs, reaching under his knees when there was a click behind him, followed by familiar laughter. 

“Now there’s a Kodak moment,” Sam declared between fits of giggles.

*****

“Addy do you want to go through this one more time?” Jonas asked, his eyes darting around their surroundings as the cajun woman kneeled on the floor, seeming to be in deep meditation. 

“Nope,” she answered quickly, her eyes still closed. 

“Are you sure?” he replied, running the images through his head of the notes he had taken, of the intricacies of the ceremony, of the little details that Adrienne would need to remember. 

“Completely,” she answered again, her eyes still closed, her posture unchanged. 

“I just don’t want you over confident,” he added, wincing, thinking that might have been the worst possible thing he could have said to her but she didn’t move, she didn’t act like anything was wrong or about to happen, she just remained on her knees, breathing in and out slowly. 

“No, it’s not that. I can think Jonas. My mind is clear, every last little detail that you’ve given me, every single one, it’s there just, there, I... I...” she stammered, her deep eyes finally opening as she turned to face him. Concerned, his face furrowed, Jonas reached out carefully, placing his hand on her shoulder not saying a word just letting her speak. 

“I wish Daniel could finish it out,” she said honestly, “I hate being pregnant. More than normal.” Ashamed, or at least that was what Jonas thought he could see on her face, shame, Adrienne hung her head, cutting her eyes away. He wasn’t sure as to what he should do, so he did the only thing he could think of, extending his arms to take her into them. 

“Addy, I’m not sure what to say,” he whispered, hugging her tightly. 

“Not anything you can say. Just let me enjoy this moment of lucidity. There’s something oddly soothing about having to perform the tea ceremony; I welcome the routine of it,” she said as she stood, forcing a smile, reaching down to help him up. 

“We’re ready,” a voice said from the corner, the pair glancing up to see a Maiko looking right at them. Adrienne didn’t respond, just nodded slowly, following behind the young woman. Breathing out slowly, Jonas went to take his seat with the guests. 

**** 

“If I knew where I’d put the journal I wouldn’t be asking you!!!” Daniel screamed, launching the composition book across the room, the pain in his back now matching the throb in his head. 

“It’s a leather book Daniel, it has to be on your desk or your nightstand. It’s not in the lab,” Jack tried to reason with him, but his patience was wearing thin. Daniel had vomited most of the morning, stuffed his face the entire afternoon, couldn’t get up only a few hours ago, and now, plagued with what the general knew was inevitable indigestion he had declared that he needed to work on a translation which apparently could only be worked on given that he had this one particular journal. 

A journal that of course was missing. 

“Go check again,” Daniel ordered, Jack laughing the moment he spoke. 

“Do I look like your servant?” was his response, his arms crossed across his chest as he stopped, refusing to do anything else. 

“That’s what you signed up for isn’t it?” Daniel shot back.

“And on that note,” Jack answered calmly, uncrossing his arms, heading for the door, quickly deciding that as funny as this all was, getting yelled at was no longer worth it. He was just about to turn the knob when he heard a sniff behind him, rolling his eyes, knowing what was coming next. 

“No, Jack, I’m sorry, don’t leave....” Daniel begged, grabbing his arm, pulling him back to the side. The general let out a sigh as he turned, seeing the sight he knew he would see, back to hormonal Daniel, Daniel on the verge of an emotional breakdown. 

“Dammit Daniel, you’ve got to get a hold of yourself. Look at yourself! You’re a total disaster!” he shouted, fed up with the entire situation. How many more days of this, he thought, and when does his wife get home???

“Jack, I’m so sorry, I am,” Daniel stammered, holding his back as he hobbled to the desk, sitting in the chair slowly as a rip echoed through the room. Jack was puzzled as he watched Daniel’s face change from annoyance and frustration to shock, the archaeologist bursting into tears. 

“My pants,” he said between sobs resting his head on the table.  

Jesus, Jack thought, I think I have to hug him, do I have to hug him, he pouted internally, stepping forward to his friend. 

“Come here,” Jack said, wrapping his arms slowly around Daniel’s shoulders, hugging him cautiously, “it’s only a week. Now at least we know what the little woman is going through, huh?” 

“I can’t make it a week; I don’t know how she does this,” Daniel whimpered, hugging him back, dear God he is hugging me back, Jack thought while he formulated his answer as Daniel sobbed into his pants. 

“They’re stronger than we are but don’t you go telling mine I said that. Why don’t you try sweats or your pajamas or something because somehow I think that Dr. Perky’s yoga pants aren’t gonna work,” Jack offered, pulling away, patting Daniel strongly on the back as he nodded in agreement, standing slowly. 

“I’m not helping you get into them,” Jack added as Daniel made his way to the dresser. 

“No, that’s fine, can you just stand there in case in fall on my face?” he answered, opening the drawer to dig for something more suitable. 

“Sure. But just to be clear, if you do, I’ll check on the squirt first, laugh at you second and still not put your pants on,” Jack clarified. 

“Fair enough.” 

 *****

By the time Daniel felt he could actually sleep, it was nearly two, so he sent Jack away assuring him that he would radio him if there was any problem. He found his journal of course, it was in the dresser drawer when he changed shirts, for the third time, having sweat through yet another clean shirt. 

“This is really disgusting,” he muttered to himself, wondering why he hadn’t noticed this massive amount of sweating with his wife, adding to the long list of things that he had no idea how she dealt with. Stripping down to his boxers and deciding against the shirt, Daniel made his way slowly and carefully to his bed, their bed, pulling back the covers for the first time all day. He was about to shut out the light when he saw an envelope sticking out from under his pillow. Smiling, recognizing the messy script on the outside of the envelop, he sat on the edge of the bed, opening the flap and slipping the note out and opening it. 

Sucks to sleep alone in here doesn’t it? I hope you’ve done alright today and Jack isn’t being too hard on you. Just remember, I am at this present moment trying to scrape off about ten pounds of white make-up. Aren’t we both just in a mal pris?

Please take care of yourself and try not to worry. I’ll be back soon. I love you so much Daniel. I know I’ve said this before but you’re the love I didn’t think existed in the world, that I didn’t think existed for me. 

Again, take CARE of yourself!! Better than normal. After all, I want little Fox to grow up to be a big and strong FBI Agent. 

“Love or not Ad, no X-files characters,” Daniel answered her out loud, setting the letter on the nightstand along with his glasses, shutting out the light and crawling under the covers. Rolling onto his side, his left just like she slept, he reached out for where she would normally join him in bed. 

“I miss you too ja-wer,” he whispered, closing his eyes. 

******

Jonas had been pleased that he was given a room in the Geisha house, the Okisan and tea house owners buying the sibling story completely. To top it off Jonas had tossed in some details during tea about a sick father and needing to make money to return to him and they seemed to pity him, or at the very least believe him. His room was plain and sparse, a thin mat on the floor with a proportionally thin blanket. He had slept alright, but Adrienne on the other hand didn’t appear to be very well rested. 

“I forgot about the block,” she said as she staggered in, wearing a purple house kimono and sitting on the floor, hot tea in her hands. 

“The block?” Jonas asked, trying to think of any other chore he had forgotten about that she might have been asked to attend to. 

Frowning, Adrienne rubbed her neck pitifully, Jonas finally remembering. 

“Oh that block,” he remembered, making a face of sympathy, “You ok?” 

“Just spoiled is all,”  she admitted, missing not only her feather pillow but a warm bed companion curling beside her. Her mind beginning to wander, memories of his lips caressing her neck so softly, that she was slightly startled when Jonas tapped her on the shoulder. 

“Did you find anything out last night?” he asked, focusing back on the task. 

“Not a thing. Their entire existence is the world of Geisha. The finery, the money, the hair. It’s respectable, it is, but no one seems to pay attention to much else other than themselves,” Adrienne replied, thinking back to her evening. They didn’t seem to want to know much about her, which she had expected, but they didn’t want to talk about themselves either. If there was a ZPM here, these girls would have no idea where it was.

“What about you?” she inquired getting a shrug in return. 

“Nothing. Still using candle light for the most part. Very basic electricity usage, circa Earth 1890 but - “ Jonas started as if he was giving a mission report but Adrienne was waving her hands in front of her for him to stop. 

“Stop there, I get it. I don’t think it’s here,” she admitted, leaning her head onto his shoulder. 

“Me neither but I do think it’s worth the trouble to stay a while longer, just in case we are wrong,” he added, looking down with her. 

“No, I agree. Hell, they could be using the damn thing as a coffee table for all we know,” she agreed quickly, picking up her head to look at him, “your shoulder is much more comfortable than that block.” 

“I’m glad to offer at least temporary support,” he laughed, “What’s on your agenda for today?” 

Groaning, she stood, adjusting her kimono, peering back down at him,“Not getting caught having secret discussions with my brother is one thing, but there is a party.” 

“Oh?” 

“Yea, luncheon shortly. Entertain, chat, flirt, make them some money,” she shrugged, trudging out of the room. 

“Things we won’t tell Daniel,” Jonas understood, smiling, trying not to laugh at the image of Daniel breaking down at the gate. 

“He’s not an idiot, but correct, things we will not tell Daniel,” she paused, turning back to him, walking in that small step Geisha like fashion to his side as he stood, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. 

“Time to play refined lady,” she winked and pivoted on her heels, sashaying out of the room. 

*****

He sat in the briefing room trying to stress how important it was that he be allowed time to go through the data from the Furlings but the bear just would listen, sitting there, a folder in his hand, shaking his head. 

“You’re not listening to me.” 

“We are listening to you Dr. Jackson,” the beast answered, pushing its glasses up its face, “ but there is just nothing in it for Earth.” 

“Then at least let me go bring back my team. SG-1 is now as much mine as it is Colonel Mitchell’s,” he insisted, the vulture beside the bear shaking his head. 

“It’s too dangerous.”

“But Adrienne, my wife, my wife is with them...” 

“Dr. Jackson we are considering all members of SG-1 Collateral Damage...”

“But my child, the child will be automatically returned to Adrienne in just a few days...” 

Caked in his own sweat, Daniel sat straight up in bed, his heart pounding. It was a dream, he knew it was a dream, Robert Woolsey made a terrible bear, but that still couldn’t calm the racing in his chest. 

“Daniel, you up!” a voice was shouting at his door, the knob turning, the door opening in crack but before Daniel could answer the reality that he was awake hit him, or hit his stomach at least, making him lean over and retch onto the floor. 

“I thought this would be more entertaining but yeah, no, it’s kinda gross,” Jack said, walking straight for the bathroom to get some towels. Shaking, still soaked, Daniel heaved over the side of the bed, the smaller version of himself beating him on the inside. 

“Alright Puke Monkey, let’s get you upright,” Jack said, pulling Daniel by the shoulders, tossing a towel beside him on the bed. 

“Wait - I’m gonna throw up again...” he pleaded, heaving over the edge. 

“Daniel, you’ve got nothing left my friend, let’s sit up and get you moving,” the general wasn’t going to take no for an answer, throwing one towel onto the small mess on the floor. 

“No I want to stay here,” Daniel argued. 

“No honey, we’ve got to get you on your feet before your ankles swell. Remember, I don’t find that at all attractive,” Jack retorted, stepping back for Daniel to consider, a glare shot in his direction. 

“That’s more like it princess, get up,” Jack ordered, grabbing Daniel’s arm as he wiped his face,”you stink.” 

“I need a shower,” he muttered in response. 

“Then take one,” Jack replied smugly. 

“No.” 

“Why not?” 

“I don’t want to see myself. I feel disgusting,” Daniel mumbled, tossing the towel aside. 

“What?” 

I said I don’t want to see myself. I’m disgusting. No wonder Adrienne went tearing off with Jonas,” his younger friend continued to whine and whine, Jack rolling his eyes. 

“You’re insane, worse than a damn female. You know, I feel sorry for Addy, having to deal with you 24/7,” he spat, pulling Daniel upright. 

“I should probably try to bathe then right. For when Addy gets back,” Daniel admitted, finally, standing. 

“Yep, and please tell me that you can handle this, that you can bathe alone,” Jack asked carefully. 

“No, I can, the sickness has passed but the little bastard is back to kicking, I’d like to eat a rack of ribs and my lower back hurts...”

“So, you’re pregnant,”  Jack pointed out. 

“Shut up,” Daniel replied. 

“Look, I’ll sit out here on the off chance that I have to drag your huge naked ass off of the bottom of the stall, would that make you feel better?” the smile matching the offering slyly creeping across Jack’s face. 

“Yea,” was the honest reply. 

“Ok then, right outside. If you scream, remember, I’m not your little cutie, so keep it in English so I know what you’ve broken and how much ass I will have to see,” he added as Daniel trudged his way to the bathroom. 

 *****

“Anything?” Ronon stood from where he had been kneeling, meditating as Teal’c had taught him, patiently waiting for Cam to return from scouting. Worried about it appearing too much like they were in search of something that they would essentially have to steal once they found it. 

“Not a damn thing. Dex, I think we’d better hope that Addy and Jonas have found something otherwise when we meet up tomorrow this isn’t gonna be pretty,” Cam answered, knowing they had to gauge their time carefully. The Furlings had given them a week of Addy without child and this morning was day three and a half and they still needed to travel home. If they left now with no complications they would have three days to spare, but they had planned on leaving tomorrow, cutting it too close in his opinion. Not that he minded a pregnant woman on a ship but neither Daniel nor Addy had any idea how this transfer would work or if it was possible across the galaxy.

“It’s only the first planet, I’m sure they’ve got others,” Ronon offered, standing and adjusting his clothes, taking a moment to crack his neck, tight from his stance. 

“I know - “ Cam started, stopping the moment he saw a shadow at the door, Kelchui coming to either greet them or bring them to training, either one not helpful considering their current situation. His feet skated along, walking on air, coming to a halt in front of the pair, bowing low, Ronon and Cam doing as well in return. 

“Are you both faring well this morning?” he inquired as he stood. 

“Yes, thank you for your kindness. We’ll be one our way tomorrow,” Cam replied, cutting his gaze over at Ronon, a gaze of disappointment, a gaze of failure.

“We shall miss having such fine warriors among our ranks,” he praised, walking past them to the shrine, reaching his hand gently to a bowl of flames, removing a lighting stick.

“And we as well,” Cam answered respectfully, smiling, bowing a second time. With a quick whisk of his hand the village leader ran the thin bronze stick across a row of candles, lighting them with one smooth motion of his hand. Light illuminated the front room, casting a gentle glow at the man’s face. At least this had been one of the more enjoyable missions that he had been on, Cameron relishing his training and experience here among these alien Samurai, and he was about to thank the man for just that when his expression changed and he smiled, his hands folded in front of him again, a sly smile across his face. 

“You are not from here,” he stated, stepped forward and away from the array of candles. 

“Well no we said we -,” Cam began clearly, preparing to repeat his rehearsed story again but Kelchui was shaking his head slowly, still smiling. 

“You are not from this world,” he added as he let his eyes trail back and forth between the men. Neither looked at the other; they just stood there frozen in time wondering, based on Vala’s intelligence report, how in the world this man had come to that conclusion. 

“Many visitors have come through the ring of stone. It has been our duty to protect our people against them,” he continued to explain, unfolding his hands, proceeding to the door. Cam wasn’t sure what to say, he knew what his orders should be but he couldn’t just lie to him, in the past twenty four hours he had come to respect the man and felt he deserved better. 

“We have fought many a strange people,” he continued talking over his shoulder, his dark eyes gazing out the green meadows in the distance, “but we always prevail. We thought you were from the ring but our guards say it has not activated in a long time.” 

“Makes sense Ronon,” Cam admitted, their ruse over, “it’s like an entire planet of you.” There was no point, he knew, he could tell by the look in the great warrior’s eyes not only had the lie not worked but that he had known the truth about them from the moment they stepped foot in the village. 

“We used a ship,” Ronon explained, Kechui nodded in understanding. 

“We’re not trying to trick you or take over your planet, even your village. We’re looking for something in particular, something we need to defend our world,” the colonel added quickly. 

“No, we were aware. Had we sensed malicious intent we would have killed you,” he responded so plainly, so calmly, Cameron knew his words to be nothing but the truth. 

“It’s like a crystal, yay high, glows, lots of little crystals all around it,” Cam specified, his hands trying to draw out a ZPM in the air. Kelchui watched him carefully for a moment in silence as if he were making sure of something before he spoke. 

“The Ochina Kesso,”  he replied, nodding, “You are not the first ones to come for that either.” The first words had lifted Cam’s spirits, the latter dealing a devastating blow. 

They were too late. 

“Great...” he said, unable to control his disappointment but Kelchui remained unmoved, still standing quietly at the door, his arms once again folded in his robes. 

“How will it help defend your world?” he asked as he peered over his shoulder. 

“There’s this man I guess, not really, but this being named Anubis. We thought we had him licked, but he’s back to torment us. He wants to take over and enslave the entire galaxy. He’s also captured the planet of my friend Jonas and doing God knows what to those people. He doesn’t just want a planet, he wants everything, and he wants to destroy my friends in the process,” the colonel answered, torment apparent in his voice. Side by side he and Ronon stood watching their host peer out into the distance, not moving, not turning around to address them. 

“Would this man come here?” the voice at the doorway asked. 

“Yes. We have a friend, she’s a spy. She came here before us to make sure you were friendly. She said he has people everywhere, probably on Earth but our people won’t give her the power to search and see. He’s probably already here,” he was honest, with himself as well as the Samurai. 

Sam knew Anubis was among them, watching their every move. The clones were his army but the Ori soldiers and paid mercenaries could easily infiltrate any society as a regular person, sending messages back to Langara in order to inform Anubis of any defensive weaknesses. 

This was bigger than before. 

Anubis wanted everything and he was going to destroy what he could along the way in revenge for everything the Taur’i had done to stop him before. 

Abruptly, Kelchui spun in his feet, unfolding his arms and marching forward. 

“Come with me.”  

*****

Daniel stood in the lab, leaned over the center table shaking his head. Sighing, he stepped back, reaching his hand to his abdomen looking very much like his wife. 

“It’s drained, there seems to be a very small crack here in the side. There’s nothing,” he muttered, his eyes gazing over to his wife, Jonas, Jack and Sam. 

“Addy & I thought so but we’d hoped...” Jonas started not able to continue. 

They were no closer, no closer to repowering Atlantis, no closer to facing Anubis, no closer to freeing his people. 

“Indy sha, think about what we did. In less than two weeks and after a major outbreak, we have a ZPM. Yes it’s not working but we have one. Not months, not you and me and now Jonas falling asleep in keyboards, overworked, exhausted. With the information from the Ktaenam, our double checking and one Vala trip, we got one. There were lots on that list, this was just the first one. Even Woolsey would have to admit that this is much better than guessing,” Adrienne offered, stepping forward to rest her hand onto his back, Sam nodding behind her. 

“If anything it gives the powers that be a reason to stop complaining about cost. This is much more efficient than going through the database,” she agreed, smiling at Daniel as he waddled over to his desk chair, sitting slowly and painfully. 

“Then we just need to get to work, move onto the next planets. I have a list here I have been working on,” Daniel replied as he turned to the surface, grabbing a legal pad from his desk. 

“Alright, I’ve got to meet with Woolsey and Bennett, convince them that this is a step in the right direction, because it is Daniel, it is,” Sam assured as she stepped back, patting Jack lightly on the back before slipping out of the lab. The room dropped to silence, even Daniel not moaning or fussing at the baby, the remaining three looking at one another uncomfortably trying to figure out what to do next. 

“Sha, I’m gonna go get some snacks and stuff, for us, so we can work,” Adrienne offered, feeling her husband’s mood. For as close as they were, Adrienne knew when to keep her distance and let him think, certain that he would want to talk to her later. 

“I’ll help you,” Jonas added quickly as he turned to follow Adrienne, catching the look she was giving him noting that Jack didn’t follow. 

“Look, I know the hormones are probably making it worse but you can’t beat yourself up about this,” Daniel heard behind him a small part of him having already known that Jack would not follow the other two to the commissary. 

“Nope, Ad’s right. We found one and where there’s one there’s more,” he replied, rubbing his belly as he read through the information, “just need to keep working.” 

“You’re exhausted,” Jack countered immediately, truth in his words. The team had arrived back later than expected, closer to ten at night, tired themselves and disappointed. Jonas hadn’t said much, Jack couldn’t image what he was going through, and the others had been equally as solemn. It was obvious by Dr. Perky’s speech that she had thought her words through, anticipating Daniel’s reaction. 

“I have to keep working. We have to solve this,” the archaeologist replied, writing feverishly in his notebook, so much so that he didn’t seem to notice the blue light glowing at his side. Jack on the other hand did, racing to the camera to shut them off lest his wife have anything else that Woolsey could scream about. 

“Dr. Jackson, your team has returned,” Medan spoke without greeting making Daniel jump and shake his head. 

“Yep, just got back, nice of you to drop by,” Jack greeted, giving Daniel a chance to recover since it seemed the little guy inside of his good buddy had given him a good kick as well. 

“Were you able to recover the crystal?” he asked as he stepped forward, looking very much the cheerful sprite. Already shaking his head, Daniel sat back, sighing, prepared to admit defeat again. 

“Yes, but it was broken, there was not much power left in it. Unfortunately, we cannot use it,” he answered slowly. 

“I am most sorry,” Medan responded, stepping up to the desk. 

“No Medan,” Daniel replied, shaking his head, “we found it, easily, much easier than before. We’re just gonna continue to keep working with the information you have given us.” For a brief moment it looked as if the Furling was going to nod in agreement, but his face was furrowed, in concern, tiny feet padding to the archaeologist’s side. 

“You are very worn Dr. Jackson,” Medan spoke quietly, “ your body and mind are tired. I sense it as does your son.” 

“I’ve been through worse,” Daniel replied quickly, “and in a short time the baby goes back to Adrienne.” Still frowning, Medan turned to Jack, examining his face carefully. 

“You have been a great help to your friend.” Shrugging uncomfortably, Jack looked back at Daniel, actually feeling sorry for him, not one joke floating through his head. 

“Thank you for agreeing to help longer,” the Furling added his palms gently touching together. 

“What in the hell?!?!” Jack shouted out, Daniel reaching for his waist, feeling a sense of freeing, weight disappearing as the general was screaming, falling to the floor. 

“There, now you both can have a rest. In thirty six earth hours the fetus will return safely to his mother,” Medan stated calmly. Eyes wide Daniel stared at his stomach, flat again, empty, his friend on the floor large with child. 

“Wait, do I get a say in this?” Jack joked from the floor, tried to joke from the floor, Daniel reading his face. Frowning, growling, was he growling, standing clumsily with his eyes glaring at Daniel. 

Wait, he thought, I’m not pregnant. Adrienne’s not pregnant. We have 36 hours.....

“Wha in da ‘ell ees goin’ on?” he heard his wife’s Southern twang, her swamp monster voice echoing through the lab. There were no second thoughts, no time to waste, Daniel dashing over to his bride and confused colleague, taking the snacks from her lap and tossing them to her desk. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her aside, locking his azure eyes on her ebony orbs. 

“We have 36 hours,” he said plainly. 

“Daniel, what the hell?” 

“Sorry Jack, I think another switch might be a bit hard on the baby, don’t you...” 

“Indy, is there tequila in our room?”  Adrienne asked quickly, catching on, her brain racing. 

“Nope, but I bet Vala has some. I’ll get ice cream, you get margarita ingredients, meet you in the room?”  he replied, smiling. A sly grin spread across her face, her palm resting gently on his chest, her lips reaching to his ears, whispering lightly. Dropping to silence Daniel listened, his eyes growing wider as he took a deep breath. 

“Oh, oh yeah, oh I’ll get that too...”

“Hello??!??” Jack was now shouting, unable to believe his ears, Adrienne rushing to his side. 

“Thank you Jack. You are the greatest!” the perky archaeologist stood on her toes, kissing his cheek before dashing out of the lab, nearly knocking Jonas over. 

“Later,” Daniel said with shrug, racing out behind her. 

“Daniel dammit!!!” 

“They will be much refreshed after a rest. You are a good friend,” Medan stated with a smile as Jonas walked over to his desk, shaking his head. 

“Tell them that,” the general responded, reaching for his belly, this little shit could kick hard, waddling out of the lab. 

*****

Hearing the doorknob behind her Vala stopped talking just in case that rat faced asshole was barging in but instead it was Jack and she started to look away, it finally registering what she had seen as she jerked her head back around to make sure that she wasn’t seeing things. 

“One of Santa’s elves decided to give the Jacksons an early Christmas gift,” he answered the unasked question, his eyes rolling wildly. 

“Where are they?” Sam questioned cautiously. 

“If you have to ask Sam you’re much more naive than I’ve given you credit for. So Val, what’s up? Any fancy James Bond for us?” he changed the subject quickly, noting the light off on the corner camera, a sign that Walter was running a loop so they could speak in confidence. 

“Langara, Ry’ac and I just got back,” she explain, Jack remembering Ry’ac going in Ronon’s place, the young Jaffa proving a helpful substitute for the Sateadan when needed. 

“What’s he done?” his question bringing a mournful look to Vala’s face and a sigh from his wife.

“They’re in a coma,” she answered, pausing, “All of them.” 

“Jack that’s how he is going to do it. He’s going to knock us out. If he doesn’t have the manpower for an attack he’s either going to kill or immobilize the population,” Sam added, shaking her head, pushing a stack of photos toward him. 

“Two billion people are just asleep where they fell,” she said as he reached forward to take them, scanning them with his eyes before turning to walk right back out into the hallway from whence he came. 

“Jack where are you going?” 

“To talk to Jonas. I don’t think anyone is sleeping tonight and that goes for the team not just the Daniel fuck fest,” he shouted over his shoulder. 

“I’ll call them,” Sam offered, reaching for the phone. 

“Leave them. No one’s waking up anytime soon and I want to see Ronon for a few hours before all hell breaks loose again,” Vala said as she stood, leaving the photos for Sam and Jack, exiting without a further word. 

“Do I want to know how?” she asked once they were alone. 

“Those little folks completely lack the ability to take social cues,” he answered with a smile. 

“Can I get you anything?” she inquired with a smile. 

“Pickles. I just want some god damn pickles.”