Tears

He sat up in bed, yet again, his heart racing, tears streaking down his face. Why his mind insisted on making him watch it over and over again, so many years after he thought he was over it he would never know, but there is was again, larger than life. The vision of her lying there, looking at him, whispering I love you right as she left this existence, was still playing in his head, stuck on repeat. He hated being so emotional but he just couldn't help it; it was one of the worst memories in his life and the second time he had watched someone that he loved died, while he was simply helpless. His heart ached, his whole body ached, and he stood from his hard on base bed, not bothering to slip on boots or change clothes, heading for his door.

The corridors were dim this late at night, but it didn't matter, no one would question his past midnight  trek through the halls, regardless of his emotional state. Sure, someone might call Sam and report that Dr. Jackson appeared to be upset and wandering, but he didn't care about that right now as he trembled, wiping his face, willing the nightmare away.

His destination lay dead ahead, the keypad blinking, and he didn't need to think about what he was typing in before he put digits to buttons, this code was now nearly as automatic as his own. The light flashed green and he pushed the door open, escaping one possible embarrassment as he realized he was inserting himself into another.

"Ad?" he asked, no turning back now, deciding then and there that if she was asleep that he would just sit at her desk until he could get himself under control better.

"Indy," she was groggy but answered, which meant that she hadn't fallen asleep yet, "everything ok?"

And then he lost it. No, he wanted to say, it's not ok, nothing's ok, my life is a mess and I'm alone, friends or not I'm alone, but not a single word crossed his lips as the tears cascaded down his face.

"Daniel, oh my gawd," and he saw her crawl to her knees, started to exit her bed, her arms extended. He didn't let her leave, racing toward them, his comfort zone, he had let her become his comfort zone, this strange woman that had just appeared in his life. He felt her arms close around him, pulling him onto the bed, holding him to her, her cheek to the top of his head.

"Wha 'appened?" she didn't judge, she didn't mock, just held him, her tone caring though accented heavily by the lateness of the hour. He couldn't answer her then either, another horrible idea crossing his mind, that this friend, this confidant that he had come to rely on would be ripped away her, the faces of all of the loved ones in his memories being replaced with that of his best friend, who, at this moment, was running her fingers gently through his hair.

"You donna 'ave ta tell me, but ya can if ya need," she whispered, kissing his temple softly, holding him closer. How do you tell someone that for everything wonderful that you have seen in your life, that there is a limit to how much loss that you can take. He could tell her, he could tell her everything right now and she would listen, listen like no one else had, like one person in particular never had and that's why he was here now, with Adrienne and not there.

He sniffed in, beginning to pull away as his heart raced, Jack's words running through his head.

Could he love her? Was that why sadness compelled him here, in the middle of the night, in his pajamas and no shoes, automatically crawling into the safety of her embrace without hesitation.

"No, you're gonna stay righ 'ere," and she was reaching out for him pulling him to her, beside her in the bed, holding him close to her chest, another quick kiss at his head, "Go to sleep shug. I'm righ 'ere, k?"

Sniffing in, he laid his head on the pillow, the back of his skull resting on her shoulder and he could tell that she had adjusted herself just to hold him. He started to protest and apologize but the tears started again, why this time he wasn't sure, but he just didn't seem to be able to control them.

"It's ok," she whispered in his ear, "let it out. I'm not going anywhere and I'm not gonna tell a soul."

He nodded so she would at least know that he heard, instinctively cuddling back into her.

"You're safe," she added just in case he could tell since she still did not know the cause of any of this, "it's just you and me ok, nothin' else is 'ere."

Just you and me...

Closing his eyes, he focused on where he was, right now, and let himself drift off to sleep.