Halloween Story :) NET timeline

The knock on the door startled him from his seat, Daniel nearly spilling his coffee into his lap.

"Who in the hell?!" he peered back at the door as the banging resumed once more.

"DANIEL!!!"

"Great," he muttered, recognizing the voice, setting the mug on the table.

"DANIEL!!""

"COMING!!" he shouted back as he trudged his way to the door, the handle rattling awaiting his arrival. Sighing, why in the hell was she here, Daniel opened his front door, Vala Mal Doran smiling in the hallway outside of his apartment wearing a very skimpy french maid costume.

"Took you long enough," she said, sashaying forward.

"What are you doing here?" he stammered, Vala nearly falling out of the outfit, "And why are you wearing that?"

"Drool lata shug," a second voice chimed in, Adrienne pushing past both of her friends, powering her way into his apartment, "you two have until I raid Indy's PJ drawer to finish flirting."

Daniel frowned, turning away from Vala to let his eyes follow his assistant who was heading down the hall, straight for his bedroom.

"Wait, raid what?"

"And like that, once again, he's gone..." Vala sighed out, pushing past and heading to the kitchen, the archaeologist looking back and forth between the women in confusion.

"Ad," he finally decided, choosing to just allow Vala to raid his fridge, "why are you going through my drawer??"

"I need old man PJs and I remember you having them!" she shouted back, Vala laughing from the kitchen.

"I'm not sure what to comment on first, the old man pajamas or the fact that Addy knows what your underwear looks like," she added as Daniel rolled his eyes.

"They're not my underwear..."

"They're in the same drawer shug!!" Adrienne confirmed, Daniel rubbing his face, choosing not to comment further but see what the Cajun was doing instead.

"Ad?" he asked as he popped his head around the corner to see her indeed digging through, "why do you need my pajamas?"

"For a costume," she answered matter of factly, pulling something from the drawer, the pajamas it seemed, holding them up to her chest, "that'll work," she confirmed, pulling her shirt over her head.

"Sure, you can borrow my pajamas," he said, Adrienne freezing, peeping her head back through the hole.

"Oops," her face was red, that Southern politeness peeking through her enthusiasm,  "Indy the weather screwed my original costume and I need to borrow this so I don't freeze to death."

"Costume?" he said, walking over to grab the pajamas she had quickly discarded in embarrassment, handing them over, "for what?"

"You sure," she asked in hesitation as he nodded.

"Yeah, that's why I'm handing them to you."

"Thanks," she muttered, taking them and setting them on bed, pulling her shirt over her head again.

"Can I know why though?" he asked, watching her pull the top over her head, adjusting it down her sides.

"We're going to Rocky Horror picture show and you dress up for it as one of the characters," she explained, pausing as she went to unbutton her jeans, "I wear a thong Indy, ya might wanna turn your back."

"Turning," he agreed, doing as asked, "so it's a play?"

"A movie," she clarified, "this one anyway. Vala is Magenta, hence her slut get up, and I was gonna be Colombia the tap dancer..."

"You tap dance?" he asked over his shoulder, Adrienne frowning.

"No, but I like her attitude."

"Just asking," he crossed his arms, waiting, "continue."

"Anyway, normally she wears short shorts, really short, which is fine for this, but it's cold and PJs will be warmer, especially since these are flannel, you can turn around now, I'm good," she continued, Daniel turning, "and I swear, I dragged Vala to every open store in the metro area and could only find Christmas pajamas."

"In October?"

"You don't shop much shug, do ya?" she said as she reached to fold her own discarded clothes.

"Not unless you drag me."

"True," she agreed, setting her stuff on his dresser, "can I just get that later?"

"I should give you a drawer," Daniel said with a smirk, noting a light knock behind him.

"I see you watched her change and yet I'm the one trying to sleep with you," Vala cooed, sipping wine from a glass as she leaned in the doorframe, "and now she wants a drawer."

"I'm ready," Adrienne ignored the comment, "Let's go before the line to get in gets too long."

"And then you bitch more about the weather," she replied, chugging her glass, "we should bring Glasses."

"NO," Adrienne said, powering through the door, "let's just get going."

Daniel paused as the women left his bedroom, slightly hurt.

"He could go as Brad..."

"Indy's NOT going..."

"It would be hilarious..."

"I said no..."

"Wait!" and he was racing down the hall after them, totally confused. Normally, he joined Adrienne in her insanity, but for her to be objecting so vehemently was really strange, "Why can't I go?"

"Yeah Addy," Vala asked, stopping in the hallway, "Why can't he go?"

"You know why..."

"I don't," he muttered as his assistant rubbed her face in frustration.

"Have you ever SEEN the Rocky Horror picture show?" she asked, Daniel shaking his head.

"No..."

"Then you're a 'virgin'," she said, air quotes and all, "and one does not want to go to Rocky Horror a virgin."

"I'm not a..."

Adrienne stepped forward, clasping her hand over his mouth.

"Things I never want to discuss, best friend or not," she cut him off, leaving her hand in place, "it means that you have never experienced the film. They will write VIRGIN on your head in red lipstick and do horrible things to you all night."

Daniel removed her hand, his brow furrowed.

"Define horrible."

"Trust me," she repeated, "horrible. And if you go as Brad..."

"Then Addy gets to see more of your underwear!" Vala declared with glee, Adrienne nowhere near as amused.

"My underwear?"

"Yes," the Cajun confirmed, "Brad gets stripped down pretty early on in the show. Do you wanna be half naked with the word virgin written on your forehead?"

"Not particularly..."

"Then thanks for the PJs and I'll call you tomorrow," she said turning to go, Vala following with a shrug. They made it to the door, Adrienne's hand at the knob when Daniel couldn't take it, his curiosity killing him.

"Ad?"

She paused, her forehead resting on the door.

"Yeah?"

"What's the movie about?"

Adrienne turned slowly, a grimace on her face.

"Transsexual transvestites from the planet Transylvania doing research on humans..."

"Really?" he asked, her face reddening.

"Really..." she said as she bit her lip.

"Give me five minutes," he said, racing down the hall.

"Wait, what?" Adrienne blurted out, frozen in shock, "you're going?"

"Is that ok?" he asked as he paused, peering back at her.

"You wanna go?"

Daniel shrugged.

"It's a movie, about alien cross-dressers that require Vala to dress like a tramp..."

"HEY!!"

"...you to wear my clothes and me to be some sort of target for harassment. Tell me how this is different from any other thing we ever do."

Adrienne smiled, Daniel reading her face and dashing down the hall, the Cajun stepping forward to shout, "BRAD WEARS BIG UGLY TIGHTIE WHITIES!!"

Whatta Man

"Whatta Man"

Subtitle: The Insanity that pops in my head while driving...

Background for those not caught up yet in Crystalline Blue Waters: 

At the time of this insanity all parties involved live on Atlantis. It's a Friday evening of karaoke and silly in the commissary that they do every now and then to boost morale since they are not being attacked like the first expedition. 

Addy and Daniel are married, two kiddos. 

Ronon and Vala are married, one adopted kiddo and they mock Daniel & Addy (or at least Vala does for being "sappy gross". Vala also lives to make Ronon flush)

Sam and Jack are married, and Jack, retired, takes care of Jackson kiddos, a job he volunteered for :) 

Ronon, Jack, Daniel, John are sitting in the back of the commissary area, having a drink. The women are no where to be found.

Enjoy!

(Hit play on this in another window to listen while you read along: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-WFNbMohTQ or Whatta Man Official Video 1994)

*Music plays* 

*Ronon coughs on drink, looks over at Daniel, who is, as always, clueless*

R: Hey

D: Yeah?

R: The girls are about to embarrass us. 

D: With?

R: I heard Val, singing. 

D:Vala sings?

R: No, but she does stupid shit with Addy, who sings.

D: *finally recognizes song* Oh dear lord...

Jack: *sits back at John chuckles into a beer* This is gonna be good...

Yeah, yeah (Oooo)
Uh, hey hey
All right, yeah
Oooo

[CHORUS]
What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man
What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man

(Daniel: This is not gonna be good)

What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man
What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man

(Addy out first, points out at Daniel)

R: Smile commander

*laughs*

(Addy to Daniel as Vala dances)

I wanna take a minute or two, and give much respect due
To the man that's made a difference in my world
And although most men are ho's he flows on the down low
Cuz I never heard about him with another girl
But I don't sweat it because it's just pathetic
To let it get me involved in that he said/she said crowd
I know that ain't nobody perfect, I give props to those who deserve it
And believe me y'all, he's worth it
So here's to the future cuz we got through the past
I finally found somebody that can make me laugh
(Ha ha ha) You so crazy
I think I wanna have your baby

Daniel: We already have two!!!

Adrienne: *Laughs as she continues to sing*

[CHORUS]

(Vala pushes Addy aside, directing attention to Ronon)

Daniel to Ronon: Your turn...

My man is smooth like Barry, and his voice got bass
A body like Arnold with a Denzel face
He's smart like a doctor with a real good rep
And when he comes home he's relaxed with Pep
He always got a gift for me everytime I see him
A lot of snot-nosed ex-flames couldn't be him
He never ran a corny line once to me yet
So I give him stuff that he'll never forget

Ronon swallows strongly

He keeps me on Cloud Nine just like the Temps
He's not a fake wannabe tryin' to be a pimp
He dresses like a dapper don, but even in jeans
He's a God-sent original, the man of my dreams

Addy steps forward, winking at Daniel.

Yes, my man says he loves me, never says he loves me not
Tryin' to rush me good and touch me in the right spot

Daniel's jaw drops

Jack: I was right, this is great...

See other guys that I've had, they tried to play all that mac shit
But every time they tried I said, "That's not it"

Vala steps forward

But not this man, he's got the right potion
Baby, rub it down and make it smooth like lotion
Yeah, the ritual, highway to heaven
From seven to seven he's got me open like Seven Eleven
And yes, it's me that he's always choosin'
With him I'm never losin', and he knows that my name is not Susan
He always has heavy conversation for the mind
Which means a lot to me cuz good men are hard to find

Girls step together to sing...

[CHORUS]

About mid-way through chorus, Sam comes strutting out 

Daniel: Nope, NOW it gets great...

My man gives real loving that's why I call him Killer
He's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, he's a thriller
He takes his time and does everything right
Knocks me out with one shot for the rest of the night
He's a real smooth brother, never in a rush
And he gives me goose pimples with every single touch
Spends quality time with his kids when he can

Daniel: MY kids when he can, MINE...

Secure in his manhood cuz he's a real man
A lover and a fighter and he'll knock a knucker out
Don't take him for a sucker cuz that's not what he's about
Every time I need him, he always got my back
Never disrespectful cuz his mama taught him that

[CHORUS]

Girls finish song, the three husbands all getting looked at while crowd in commissary hoots in hollers. 

John Sheppard: Yep, that was pretty great. See why I'm single. 

Daniel frowns

John: Annnd I'm on night shift, catch you guys later...