I did something last night that I shouldn’t have.
It was late, how late I can’t be sure, but late enough where I was barely coherent heading to bed. It was one of those nights that my owning an apartment off base didn’t even seem to be worth it, so I shut down what I was doing and just headed back to my quarters. But I couldn't sleep, I really can't much anymore but I feel better when I'm not alone. So I went to Adrienne's room, and I went there to sleep...with her.
Maybe Jack's right? I keep pushing the thoughts aside but maybe he's right. Maybe I am in love with her. Is that what this feels like? I mean, I did love Shar'e and this is close in many ways but also so different. I can't explain it and I feel like an idiot trying to. So, I did it again, went and found comfort in the arms of a woman for reasons I don't understand. Is it wrong? Am I taking advantage of her? What if she knows what she is doing and one night whispers in my ear that she loves me. Do I answer? Do I love her? I can't think rationally when it comes to Adrienne anymore, if I think that she's in trouble, I panic, I fall apart, I can't think rationally.
I'd better put this away. It's after nine, but not by much, so she'll be here soon with a cup of coffee for the both of us and a classic Adrienne excuse. And I'll try to not laugh at her, but I will, and I'll try to not sit her and daydream and wish that we were back in her room with her asleep lying so close to me. I'll just sit here and try to act like I have a clue as to what is going on with me.