Daniel & Adrienne #48 - Outsiders

“Happy Birthday handsome,” he heard a voice from over top of him and pressure on his chest, realizing that it was her voice awake before him.  Adrienne awake before him? Without a fight? This must be a dream.  Slowly Daniel opened his eyes and sure enough, there was Adrienne, straddling his waist, an evil smile on her face.  Oh no, he thought, slightly panicked, that face meant madness, which was never good.  

“How are you awake?” he asked the first question that popped into his head and Adrienne scowled at him, rolling her eyes and slapping her hands on his chest.  

“That’s the greeting I get from you this morning? How are you awake? Sha, I’m beginning to regret all of my careful planning,” she replied, her smile not diminished for a moment. Knowing there was no way out of this, he laid his head back on the pillow and groaned.  He had specifically told her to ignore this day, but no, Adrienne would never let a birthday pass silently, ever, especially his.  Last year they hadn’t even been together and she had bought him a Nerf gun and brought a huge chocolate cake into the lab, covered with enough candles to start a wildfire.  It was sweet, she was sweet and had always been sweet, but dating someone that much younger than he was, he didn’t want a reminder of how he was just marching his way on to fifty years old. Forty seven today, he thought, he’d been rounding up for a few months now, an old habit from childhood when he was always light years ahead intellectually but not biologically, but today it was real. He was old and even if she said she didn’t care, even if being descended made him look and feel younger, there was still a part of him that knew the truth and he wasn’t sure how’d he’d get over that.  

“What have you done?” he asked, hoping that his poor word choice as he was just starting to wake up wouldn’t offend her, so he ran his hands carefully up her arm to be sure. Smiling, she leaned down, kissing him lightly and crawled off of him, signaling with her hands that he remain in bed.  

“Don’t move,” she added for emphasis, “I’ll be right back,” she said, dashing off into the kitchen. Rubbing his face with his hand, Daniel did as she requested, staying in bed but reaching for his glasses, after all, he needed to see what she had come up with.  He started to sit up when the smell hit him and he wasn’t sure exactly what it was, but it was some combination of fruit and chicken, which in and of itself was odd.  Looking up he saw Adrienne coming toward him, tray in hand, and all smiles.  

“We will begin our day with breakfast in bed!” she declared, setting the tray across his legs.  Before him was a large plate of strange looking pancakes, a bowl of rice and blueberries set in some sort of casserole and what looked like a pile of cheese.  In fact, the only thing he recognized at all on the entire tray was the cup of coffee that she had put into a non-spill cup so he reached for that instinctively.  

“Alright sha, since I know you like to eat things that are ultimately going to make me single in the future, I figured I’d pull out some oldies but goodies from Aunt Barbara’s cookbook,” she began to explain, still beaming.  He had just learned recently that she could cook, even though he had only had her cupcakes so far, so he was both worried and clueless right now as he sat in bed, trying to figure out exactly what it all was when he noticed that she was staring him in the face, awaiting his response. 

“Well?” she pried. Trying to hold back his initial reaction, of fright at this spread of New Orleans specialities, Daniel reached for the fork but didn’t try anything in front of him just yet, for fear of what it was.  It had been a long time since Abydoys and he had to admit he had gotten used to eating normal food again. He dug around the cheese mix for a bit, glancing up at her before taking a bite.  

“What is it?”  he asked and again, Adrienne made a face at him.  Sighing loudly and dramatically, she began to point at the items on the tray, starting with the berry concoction. 

“That’s just Blueberries and rice with heavy cream, starch and fat Indy, right up your alley, and these,” she pointed to the bowl of cheese mess next, “are just plain ole’ baked grits, ya know grits, chicken soup and cheese and this,” she pointed to the thick pancakes covered in powdered sugar,”is called couche couche.” Daniel laughed at the last item. 

“I have an overwhelming urge to make a joke,” he said, smiling, hoping that she did know he appreciated the gesture, despite his earlier protests, but she laughed. 

“Mind out of the gutter Indy, lord I’ve ruined you. They’re just thick cornmeal pancakes. They’re good,” she assured him, sitting beside him on the bed. He didn’t comment further, just smiled and reached for the fork, cutting into the sugary round cakes and taking a bite, chewing them very carefully, Adrienne eagerly awaiting a response.  

“Well...” she asked, unable to hold back.  

“They’re fantastic, you want some?” he answered and asked, surprised they were so good.  Vala had told him if possible Adrienne burned water, which was the opposite of this and he was pleased that she hadn’t been stretching the truth with her confession, that she really could cook, and he shoved the fork into his mouth, eating his breakfast with gusto. 

“No, I had my toast while I made sure I didn’t burn my apartment down,” she joked, winking at him, already chugging a bottle of vitamin water.  Daniel smiled between bites and continued to eat his meal, Adrienne beaming as he did so.  He had finished the couche pancakes and moved on to the bowl of grits when she stood from the bed, her bottle of vitamin water empty already as she smiled at him.  

“Ok, you finish present number one while I get present number two,” she stated, scurrying from the room.  

“Present number two?” he asked, his mouth full, his hand quickly reaching to cover his face. Raising her eyebrows a tad as she turned, Adrienne paused at the doorway. 

“Yes, two of... well, you’ll see. I haven’t had anyone to spoil in a while, let me have my fun ok,” she answered, dashing away and Daniel just laughed again, deciding to enjoy the treatment, after all, he couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten treatment like this either, not to mention this cajun food was good, really good. It was much better than her usual rabbit food, so he took a sip of coffee, secretly loving every moment of this and kept eating.  

He was just about finished his tray, and full to his eyeballs, when Adrienne bounced back into the room, a wrapped box in hand, her face full of that Adrienne excitement, that excitement he could never get sick of.  Setting the box over on the dresser, she gathered up his tray and ran it to the kitchen, stopping at the door to glance over her shoulder. 

“Don’t you even think of touching that box until I get back,” she ordered, winking as she dashed away again.  Daniel felt his face flush at all of this, it was just so new to him, so unexpected when he caught the time out of the corner of his eye noting that it was 7:25, already.  He needed to shower and he was sure Adrienne would, there was no way she had gotten up that early, and they still had to made the 45 minute drive to work.  

“Adrienne!” Daniel yelled, “we’re going to be late!” He decided that a lie was his best bet to get her moving but she didn’t rush back, just came waltzing in, still smiling.  

“I’ve got that covered sha. Careful planning, remember? This is your type-A assistant we are talking about,” she winked, grabbing the box from the dresser and walking back over to the bed, sitting beside his leg. Smiling, Adrienne passed the box over, bringing her hands back to rest in her lap.   

“Open it,” she ordered, her deep beautiful eyes transfixed on the cube that was resting on his leg. There didn’t seem to be anyway that he was going to make it to work on time, so he pulled at the ribbon on the top, tossing it aside and freeing the lid, peering inside slowly. Stuffed in the box was wide assortment of bath products, candles and incense, why he had no idea, so he pulled out each and every item examining them confused. 

“Ad, what is this?” he asked, emptying the box, noting out of the corner of his eye that she was smiling and looking at the clock.  

‘Due to the nature of your eight a.m. present, I’m giving it to you now so I can set up while you get undressed,” she stated, gathering the items again and putting them into the box, Daniel was looking at her still bewildered. 

“Ja-wer, we have to get to work some time, we don’t have time for, well....” he trailed hoping she would get the gist of what he was saying, not that he didn’t want to, lord did he want to, especially since they hadn’t made actual love in a couple of weeks, she had been a bit distant, but there wasn’t any time for that, unfortunately. Adrienne, however, wasn’t on that wavelength in the least he quickly determined, standing with her hands on her hips and facing him scowling.  

“Is today “Daniel’s mind in the gutter day?”” she asked, rolling her eyes now, “I wasn’t thinking hanky panky in the bathtub. I told you, today is my day to spoil you and I’m gonna spoil you.  Let me get your eight a.m. present rolling and while you enjoy that I can set up nine.”  Feeling a little foolish for his assumption, he started to get out of bed when he paused, realizing her words.  

“Wait, eight a.m. present? Setting up nine? Have you arranged for something every hour?” he inquired and Adrienne just smiled. 

“Point for Indy, now strip, I’ll holler when it’s ready,” she replied, whisking the box away and heading for her bathroom.  Starting to grow very concerned as to exactly what Adrienne had in mind, Daniel pulled the blankets back slowly and stood from the bed, walking to get his clothes from the dresser.  He heard the water running and knew there was no way of getting out of this, so he pulled his shirt from his head and tossed it into the hamper, doing the same with his boxers, making his way to the bathroom.  The door was cracked and that’s when he noticed that the light was off. Pushing it open slowly, he started to reach for the switch when Adrienne was yelling again. 

“No! That’s what the candles are for! It’s like Kelnareen!! Just get in ok?” she ordered. Oh right, the candles, he thought, and continued to do as he was told, gazing forward at giant vat of bubbles before him. Oh dear lord, he thought, she’s really taking this to the absolute limits. 

“Ad, I can’t see. How am I supposed to shave?” he asked honestly, trying to figure out how to balance her gift with what needed to get done.  It might have been dark but he didn’t need lights to know that she was glaring at him, her eyes might as well been shooting laser beams into the back of his skull.  

“This, Daniel Anthony, is why you’ve been single for over a decade.  Just shut up and get in,” she replied, her tone not as playful as before.  He tried not to laugh, she was really getting into this, instead choosing to do as he was told.  

Apparently, she had thought of everything, a small lighted mirror so he could shave, every scent and bath product he needed, a new clean fresh towel with his initials on it for when he got out, rushing probably more than she would have liked, and his clothes laid out nicely on the bed with another small box on top. Adrienne, however, was no where to be seen.  

“Ja-wer, what in the world did you do now?” he shouted behind him, pulling his shirt over his head and getting dressed quickly, eager to open up the box.  He had to admit, this was exciting and fun; god he loved this woman, how could he have ever thought... Pushing the doubt away, he buckled his pants quickly and reached for the box, opening it to discover a small iPod, not the gigantic one like Adrienne had, but a smaller version with a little wheel.  He tapped around like he saw her do and it started to play classical music, one of the operas he liked and smiling he walked out to the living room to find her.

Adrienne, however, wasn’t there either, but his bag was, packed and ready to go with a note on top.  

If you did what I said and actually relaxed, it should be almost 9. Part one was on your bed.  Meet me in the jeep for part two. 

Glancing at his watch, he noticed it was indeed 8:50, and he really hoped that Adrienne had okayed all of this with Sam in advance.  He shouldered his bag and locked the door, heading out to see what in the world part two was.    

The 9 a.m. gift was a new stereo for his Jeep, one that adapted to the iPod he discovered, as she was sitting there, ready for work and waiting for him. 

“Did you find a song you like?” she asked, still smiling. 

“Quite a few songs, Ad, I really appreciate this I do, but this had to cost a fortune,”  Daniel replied, honestly beginning to grow concerned at how much she had spent but she just shook her head and smiled. 

“No worries, you know I’m the queen of a bargain, now let me show you how this thing works,” she answered, reaching over to the radio when she felt vibrating in her pocket.  Making a face, she retrieved the gadget, handing her phone over to Daniel to answer while she fumbled with the stereo.  Daniel looked at the screen to see it was Sam calling and answered, letting Adrienne continue to set up her gift.  

“Hello?” he said into the receiver.  

“Daniel? Hey, I called Adrienne’s phone didn’t I?” Sam said, sounding flustered, and continued, “Well, Happy Birthday and I hope I’m not interrupting anything but I wanted to remind Adrienne that I still need you both here for the mission briefing at 10:30.” Daniel himself had forgotten that meeting in all of the excitement this morning, but he now glanced at his watch, noting it was a few minutes after nine and started the car, holding the phone with his shoulder.  Adrienne must have seen his little balancing act, since she reached over and took the phone, indicating for him to drive.  

“Hey Sam,” she said, having heard the familiar voice through the loud speaker on her phone, thinking that she really needed to turn that thing down.  

“Morning Addy, just wanted to make sure that you all were still coming in, I hate not to be able to give you the entire day but I don’t have a lot of options,” Sam apologized. She had wanted to give them the entire day or at least let them leave after the briefing, but with more and more intelligence about Anubis pouring in each day she couldn’t afford to take any chances.  

“Already in the car Sam, we’ll be there shortly,” Adrienne replied happily, having made plans for if this had happened as well. The general said goodbye and Adrienne tossed the phone aside, redirecting her focus back to the stereo. A few clicks and plugs and suddenly there was a loud rap song playing from the Jeep’s speakers, Daniel taking his eyes off of the road for a moment to give her a look.  

“I just had to, couldn’t resist the temptation,” Adrienne smiled, leaning over to kiss him, before changing the song and sitting back in her seat.  Touched, there was really no other word to describe what he was feeling, Daniel smiled and laughed, wondering what the 10 a.m. present could be since it would be right around the time they arrived at work.

*****

It was a Kuering machine, and considering his girlfriend’s coffee addiction, well, and his addiction to coffee as well, he shouldn’t have been surprised, but again, it was sweet and made him wonder again how much money this was all costing her.  He knew how much Adrienne made, it was a decent salary, but not even close to his and he just worried about her, especially since finances were something that they had never discussed. Probably should have that talk, he thought, before I go through with buying a ring, but he didn’t say anything other than a sweet thank you, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her lightly. Popping a cup onto the brewer to get them both ready for their meeting, Daniel started to think back to the webpages he had bookmarked with those very rings he had been looking at, hoping that in all of this planning she hadn’t used his computer and found them. That he still wanted to be a surprise. 

“How was the birthday sex?” Vala asked him as soon as he hit the door to the briefing room, making him almost spit out his coffee. She was enjoying his being in a relationship way too much, much more than she should all things considered. He chose not to answer her, instead walking on by, tucking his folder under his arm and taking a seat.  Adrienne, on the other hand, wasn’t as nice.  

“Fantastic. We woke up the neighbors; I might have to move...” she teased and Daniel tried not to let anyone see him laugh as she watched his lovely assistant take her seat between he and Vala. In the past he might have fussed at Adrienne, but now, he found it all kind of flattering.  Before Vala could retort, Sam entered the briefing room, closing her office door behind her and walking over to the whiteboard.  For the first time in a while, Adrienne didn’t have any slides to show because this wasn’t one of Daniel’s presentations, so she leaned back into her chair, reaching under the table, rubbing his leg lightly.  He smiled and slid his hand under as well, interlocking their fingers.  

“Make me puke,” Vala said as she stood, preparing to lead the presentation.  She clicked on the whiteboard and looked to Teyla, who Adrienne had missed as she entered, her attention today completely focused on Daniel, to run the slideshow.  Scanning the room Adrienne could see it was she and Daniel, Teal’c, John Sheppard and of course Teyla and Vala, no Ronan and no Cam. That was odd, she thought, as she felt Daniel pull away and lean forward toward the table to open the folder. 

“Alright, so our few Lucian friends and those damn snake houses have found out that Anubis was last seen on this planet which we are calling P45-S32. It looks like this,” she began, flashing a picture on the screen, the surface of the planet appearing to be a swamp of some sort, gray dreary sky and a wide variety of green plant life, masked in a thin haze.  

“It’s the Dagobah system,” Teal’c said, a half of a smile and glancing over at Adrienne, who immediately erupted into laugher causing Vala to shoot a glare at the both of them.  

“What in the hell is the Dagobah system?” she spat as Daniel shook his head, reaching under the table to squeeze Adrienne’s knee. 

“Star Wars joke Vala, continue,” Daniel replied and Adrienne raised her hand.  

“I’m sorry Vala, we’re listening,” she apologized.  Rolling her eyes and glancing over to Teyla to change to the next slide, Vala continued.  

“It appears that Anubis has been visiting the villages there for a reason none of our contacts have yet to ascertain. However, the first MALP we sent through did manage to make contact, they speak English, so they were most likely Go’ould controlled at some point and they seem willing to meet us. Unfortunately, that’s all we have. Are there any questions?” she concluded, a picture of a small village of shanty bark houses displayed behind her.  Leaning forward, Daniel raised a finger slightly.  

“Do we know anything about their culture? Who’s in charge, anything about them as a people? ” he asked, but Vala already shaking her head seeming to have anticipated his question. 

“No, the village we’re in contact with seems to just exist on sustenance farming and basic hunting. There appears to be no real structure to their society as a whole,” she responded.  Not quite sure if he believed that, Daniel made a face but leaned back in his chair, scanning the folder again.  

*****

Vala had little more information to share on the planet than what was in the folder and on the slides. Daniel was concerned, this hadn’t been a planet that he and Adrienne had prepped, so he wasn’t used to the limited amount of information, however, since it was Lucian intelligence, it was her turf, so the team would just be going in with this information and nothing more. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her, it was just that he was used to the way he and Adrienne did things and this was not how he did things. He was sitting at his desk, looking over the information again, trying to ascertain if Vala had missed anything that they needed to know when he felt lips brush his ear, kissing their way downward to his neck.  

“It’s noon. I owe you two presents,” Adrienne whispered lightly, startling him.  He reached back for her and squeezed, turning his chair around and taking her into his arms.  He didn’t care about the rule, she was really taking a day that he hadn’t been looking forward to and turning it into something wonderful, wonderful enough that he was going to take the risk, push the boundaries of their recent distance.  Holding her in his lap, his arms wrapped tightly around her, he rested his chin on her shoulder, nuzzling close to her. 

“I have everything I want right here,” he said sweetly into her ear.  She smiled and leaned back into his arms, tilting her head back to kiss his cheek.  

“And you have everything else you could want in the fridge,”  she answered, trying not to choke up over his words. He’s trying Ad, she assured herself, you can’t hold it against him forever. He squeezed her once more and kissed her cheek, pushing her forward gently so he could stand and investigate.  Walking over to the lockers, he knelt slowly in front of the mini-fridge, another Adrienne addition, and opened the door.  Inside were two bottles of chocolate milk and a unlabeled brown paper bag. Curious, he pulled the bag out and opened it, peering in and smiling.  

“More baking?” he asked over his shoulder as he took out a chocolate walnut cookie and popped it into his mouth. It was perfect, absolute heaven, so good he could quite easily eat the entire bag. Dear god he loved this woman, how could he have ever risked throwing it all away? 

“Nope, not this time, you’re too nosey. They’re all Sam’s doing.  She’s a good ally to have,” Adrienne responded, walking over to her locker and pulling out her gear.  Daniel snuck another cookie and stuffed the bag back into the fridge for later, grabbing a chocolate milk.  Sam scheduled them to leave within the hour, so he needed to pack, even if he was slightly disappointed to miss Adrienne’s 1 p.m. gift, what it might be he couldn’t even imagine.

*****  

Everyone was waiting when they arrived, late, as Adrienne made him now, another thing he just didn’t care about. She made him feel so loved and alive, he couldn’t imagine life without her anymore, refused to imagine a life with out her, and if that meant he would never make it to a meeting or a departure on time for the rest of his life, so be it. 

“About time, round two?” Vala asked but Adrienne smiled, prepared for the comment.  

“Yes, breathtaking.  I wouldn’t go in the lab for a while if I were you,” she responded without missing a beat.  This time, Daniel laughed into his hand, wondering if Vala really believed her, or if this was just some inside joke between the two women.  Tossing her head back laughing as she signaled for Walter to dial, Daniel assuming the latter as Vala led the group through the wormhole.  

*****

Daniel looked up just in time to get poop in the face.  Thankfully, his glasses kept it mostly out of his eye, but he felt them being removed and a towel wipe across him gently.  

“Thank you ja-wer,” he said, eyes closed as the mess was wiped away.  

“Nope, it’s me. Your lover has left you behind to join her people,” Vala replied. Surprised, Daniel took the towel from Vala and rubbed his own face, opening his eyes to scan the surroundings to see that Vala was indeed correct, John and Adrienne a slight distance ahead, talking to a man in heavy burlap looking pants, overalls and no shirt and a woman in a straight line loose purple dress.  Teal’c stood back, scanning their surroundings, looking for trouble, looking for clones as Daniel glanced over at Vala, who was cleaning off his glasses, wondering why she wasn’t down there.  

“When you were at the meeting basking in the afterglow of banging your assistant, I was explaining how they spoke Addy.  So, I decided to let her and John be the faces of the SGC while I hang back and investigate,” she answered, reading his mind.  Daniel must have really been studying the folder, he missed that part of her briefing but there was no mistaking that she was correct when he heard Adrienne exclaim loudly. 

“Gah lee, ya can’t mean dey jus gone like dat?” she asked the man, hands on her hips. The alien was back, the alien that invaded his girlfriend and made her talk like some stereotypical TV character and the man was nodding in the affirmative, so Daniel approached the scene, hoping to figure out what was going on. 

“Yah, dems ‘ere fah long time, vay-yay wit some of da folk, like ah healer and then passe and jus gon like nuttin be,” the man answered, the woman nodding in the affirmative.  Glancing over at John, Adrienne nodded, giving him a silent signal.  She didn’t trust that Anubis would just leave and neither did Daniel.  Concerned, he grabbed Vala’s arm, pulling her back to his side before he approached.  

“How friendly are these people?” he whispered at her ear, trying to keep close enough to still hear Adrienne’s conversation but far enough away to not be noticed.  

“Don’t worry. They’re not conspiring with Anubis if that’s what you are thinking.  I won’t let her get hurt.  She’s my friend too,” Vala accused, missing his point as Daniel was already shaking his head.  

“No, they just left. Up and left. I know we need to search for anything they might have left behind, but to just leave. That seems suspect,” he explained and Vala shrugged, craning her head to see what Adrienne was saying to the man now.  

“Not really.  The leads I’ve been following, that’s just what they are doing.  Staying put for a while and dashing off.  The Lucians are finding the same thing.  He’s not staying in one place for very long,” she answered.  Reluctantly Daniel didn’t argue further; this was what she had been working on while he and Adrienne continued with the database when they were not being asked to translate the bits and pieces of intelligence that needed decoding. He just hoped she had done his level of prep work. Stepping forward, a part of him still concerned, he stood behind Adrienne, resisting the urge to place his hand on her shoulder. 

“Ahn we don’t know where dem udder ones went, da men in da skins. Dey came trew da chapa ai jus like yous and passe without ah word,” the man continued.  The Lucians had been through here too and left, been here seen, not just spying. He wondered if Vala knew that, and if so, why were they here at all? Reaching her hand out, Adrienne touched the man’s arm gently and thanked him, turning back to Daniel and John who had stepped back to allow her to speak.  

“Does Vala want us to camp or stay here? They seem friendly enough, I think if we would like to avoid sleeping on damp ground we would be safe,” she stated and John was nodding his head.  

“I agree, I think I’m gonna tell Vala we’re going to request housing. Adrienne, can you take care of that?” he asked. 

“Of course,” Adrienne answered and went back to approach the man who had started to leave with his wife.  Not wanting her to go into the village alone, Daniel followed, catching up just as she had explained their situation. 

“We nigh have much space. Des a few cahbins we can put cha in,” the man offered. Adrienne smiled, accepting the offer and he walked slowly back to the village, like a true cajun. Smiling, the temptation to tease too great, Daniel walked up behind her, running his fingers lightly down her spine.  

“Feel like home?” he joked, backing up so she didn’t smack him, watching carefully as she turned around to face him, hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.  

“You want your one o’clock present smartass?” she asked slyly.  Daniel raised his eyebrows, surprised, no impressed, that she was going to continue this madness through the mission.  

“Thought so,” she replied, walking back in the direction of Vala and the others.  

“Hey, trouble!” he shouted out as she walked away and she paused, turning back smiling that evil smile of hers.  

“Yesss Indy,” she answered.  

“What’s the one o’clock present?” he asked, noting that he did not see her pack anything into her bag this morning, nor did he see any kind of gift in her hands or hanging from her tack vest.  She winked at him and smiled once more.  

“Let’s just hope we get a cahbin all to ourselves handsome,” she whispered slyly, making him flush red.  She couldn’t mean, well, that? Could she? Lord please, he couldn’t believe that he was thinking, forcing the thought away as he followed behind her, trying not to imagine what gift she had up her sleeve or be too excited about what might happen if they got a cahbin alone.  

They didn’t, of course, and the kind man, by the name of Dutroy, led them out to two sheds on the outskirts of the village.  He had thought cahbin meant cabin, but apparently Adrienne knew they were being taken to a tool shed and divided up the group three and three, Teyla, John and Teal’c and then himself, her and Vala. Of course, he had to be trapped with both of them, so much for the 1 p.m. present.  Daniel tried not to act too disappointed as he shoved some tools aside to make a place for the three of them to sleep, placing his bag beside the wall, Adrienne’s by his own and Vala’s as far from his as possible.  By the time he was finished Vala was at the doorway, Adrienne having left him again, waiting, tapping her foot on the floor.  

“There will be no sex in here tonight unless I’m part of it,”  she stated simply.  Daniel rolled his eyes and pushed past her, heading out for the rest of the team.  Adrienne and John were talking once more to Dutroy and the woman he assumed was his wife, Teyla and Teal’c emerging from the adjacent “cabin”.  He scanned the area around him when he heard Vala slinking up behind him again, her lips dangerously close to his ear, making him flinch with old fears.

“Blue eyes, I need you to get that sexy ass of your over there and make sure that your little woman is schmoozing them proper while I poke around.  They need to have never noticed that I was gone,” she whispered, holding him in place so he would cover her escape.  He nodded slightly, understanding her covert mode, and waited for her to exit around him, hearing underbrush crush behind him, fainter and fainter until the sound was gone and he knew Vala had slipped away. He started to move when he felt hands on his shoulders once more and a hand slip into his pocket.  

“Your one o’clock present.  You’d better be glad I like her so much,” Vala’s voice hissed in his ear, startling him, he thought she was gone, before there was more crunching as she darted off into the swamp.  This time, Daniel watched her until she was gone and reached into his pocket pulling out a small wrapped package. He glanced up at Adrienne, still chattering away, and decided to open the package to see what was inside, his inquisitive nature overtaking his patience.  Tearing at the paper, he noted that his hands shaking nervously, wondering what it could be considering her earlier comment and wondering why she had given it to Vala.  

It was a statue, a tiny statue of Aphrodite, along with a note.  

Thought she’d jazz up your place a bit. All things considering. 

He smiled, thinking back to a conversation a few months ago, when he and Adrienne had debated the true roles of the Greek gods and she had mentioned something about Aphrodite not really being the goddess of true love, only screwing around. Seeing the joke in her gift, that she was really trying to tell him what she had wanted the afternoon gift to be, he cursed the mission under his breath, annoyed that they couldn’t have had the day off to lay in bed, make love and enjoy one another, instead were trapped on this muddy mess of a planet. It wasn’t that he necessarily wanted sex, well, he did, but they hadn’t since the Pusflet incident and he just wanted to know that everything was ok, that she still trusted him. Sighing, Daniel walked ahead to see what she and John had discovered.  

*****

The people of the village, Ruton they called it, were quite friendly and gave the five of them a quick tour of the area.  It was a typical mid eighteenth century Bayou village, even more evidence that the Go’ould were still making Earth pit stops years after they had originally thought. Surprisingly, Adrienne managed to give him a two o’clock gift, a case for his iPhone, in red, a deep red, his favorite color.  Just as Adrienne was showing him how to put the phone into its case, Dutroy’s wife, Mari entered, a kind pleasant smile on her face.  

“Is suppa time,” she announced cheerily and motioned for them to follow.  Daniel paused, looking over at Adrienne confused and then down at his watch.  

“It’s two o’clock; supper time?” he asked. 

“Just because I’m Cajun doesn’t mean I hold the secrets to all of the swamp people in the galaxy,” she responded.  Shaking his head, Daniel tossed everything he would need into his pack, pocketing his newly cased phone and reaching out to help Adrienne to her feet.  

“This is why I like to do the prep work, what time does it get dark here? Is there a reason we’re eating so early? I’ve learned my lesson going in blind, apparently she hasn’t,” he fussed but Adrienne just leaned up to kiss his cheek.  

“Play nice Indy,” she whispered, following the large red-headed woman out of the tool shed and to the central part of the town.  

*****

It seemed that Mari and Dutroy were hosting the team themselves, Teal’c, John and Teyla seated at the table with a bowl of grits looking food in front of them with Vala, Adrienne noted, no where to be seen.  Ducking through the shorter doorway, Daniel was about to go and take a seat at the table when he felt finger trace down his back and a hand pull him backwards by the center of his shirt.  

“Où est Vala et?” (Where is Vala?) she asked, quietly in French.  Turning his head slightly so it wasn’t too obvious they were sharing a secret, Daniel leaned back to whisper to Adrienne.

“Elle explore,” (Exploring), he answered carefully and felt Adrienne tap her fingers lightly at his spine in recognition before moving forward to greet their hosts.  

It was a simple dinner, lunch she guessed since it was only two, and it reminded Adrienne of some of her cousins that were, if possible, less fortunate than she was growing up, grits, gravy and some egg and potato dish. Their hosts, strangely enough and definitely not a cajun trait, didn’t offer much information on themselves, the food, or the town itself, just asked them questions about other places they had been and some of their advanced technology.  Based on the conversation, it seemed as though that had had very little contact with the outside world which troubled Daniel; people like that were easily influenced by the first advanced society in which they came in contact and in this case that was Anubis so their intelligence would lead them to believe. Sensing the tension in the room, Teyla began to speak, asking their hosts if they had any children, about their family trying to get them to open up and finally Mari smiled and began to speak of a daughter that lived in a nearby village. Immediately there was a calm to the room, Adrienne smiling over at Teyla, who of everyone she had ever met in her life had the most soothing personality, whether it be in a small room or a large crowd. Winking over at Daniel who was eating the grits, a look on his face of recognition from his meal this morning, Adrienne was about to relax and eat herself when there was shouting heard outside of the window, familiar shouting, shouting that during each and every mission she hoped to avoid. 

“Let the fuck go of me! I’m with the group you backwards hillbilly rednecks!!” Vala was screaming full blast, those among other choice words. Shouldn't have taught her those little slangisms, Adrienne noted and stood, glancing over at John whom she hoped would step in with her to help ease the situation.  It didn’t take a genius to figure out what had happened; Vala had gotten caught “exploring” and most likely didn’t handle the confrontation properly or their hosts hadn’t taking kindly to her snooping, something Adrienne knew was a bad idea the moment Daniel told her that she had left. That little part of the plan had been left out of the briefing. Either way, it was going to take John or Daniel’s diplomacy skills to get them out of this.  

“Dat be da udder womun in ya group,” Dutroy, most certainly not a backwards hillbilly redneck, stated. Apparently, Vala’s little disappearing act had not gone unnoticed.  

“Yeah, she’s looking for those folks we told you all about, the ones that are killing women and children,” John replied, hoping that reiterating what Anubis had been doing would be enough.  Dutroy was standing now, however, walking around the table to John, his wife already at the door opening it, intensifying Vala’s shouts. 

“Get me out of this goddam thing, I’m not a fuckin fox, I shouldn’t be trapped like an animal!!” she continued to shout as her teammates were finally able to see her, dragged in by a large caramel skinned man, literally dragged, as she had fallen in a trap of sorts, her legs and arms bound tightly.  

“I advised her to wait until nightfall and to not go alone,” Teyla noted, shaking her head as she addressed the group, evidently the one person in the group to have been made aware of this plan. 

“Listening’s not her forte,” Daniel responded, stepping forward himself in order to get her out of trouble yet again.  

“Dutroy, ya gots a ‘nife o sumtin?” Adrienne turned to their hosts, trying to keep on as if nothing had really happened, as if this were some accident. Dutroy, however, didn’t move, didn’t motion for his wife to get a knife or anything.  

“We donna take kindly to snoopin,” he answered, looking over to John. 

“Not snoopin, we know y’all didn’t have anything to do with those other folks, but we need to know where they’ve gone before they hurt anyone else,” he replied, walking over to where Vala was being held up in the air slightly, by her arms, which were tied tightly behind her back.  However, rather than relinquish Vala to the mission leader, the man tossed her to the ground, Vala still swearing profusely, and stepped in front of her, proud of his prize and unwilling to part with her.  

“Ya be snoopin, just like dem last folks,” Dutroy continued, “and wen we fund dem last folks snoopin, we took dem ta Laja.” Confused, the team looked at each other, Daniel wishing he was over by Adrienne so he could at least get her out of here. Holding up his hand gently, John took a step closer to the large man in front of Vala, hoping to keep the peace. 

“Alright, Dutroy, alright, we shouldn’t have been snoopin without tellin ya but if we could just have our friend here,” he pointed down at Vala as he spoke.  One more quiet step forward and for just a moment John thought they were going to allow him to free her when a fist went across his vision and met with his head.  

Before Daniel could grab his gun to enable Adrienne and Teyla to escape, he felt a slam from behind and caught out of the corner of his eye Adrienne turning to fight two young men with sticks before the world went black.  

*****

“Indy, sha, god damn it wake the fuck up!!!” Daniel heard a voice in the distance, so very far away, swearing at him.  His head ached badly and he went to bring his hand to his temple to rub it, planning to roll over in bed and ask Adrienne to get him some Advil when he realized that he couldn’t move his hands. They were bound, tightly, behind his back, and he forced his eyes open, quickly turning his head, looking for Adrienne.  

“Welcome back my love, how’s your head?” she asked from beside him, similarly bound but using her elbows and body to try to rouse him.  He shook his head slightly and scanned to see his entire team bound right along with him, including Vala who was still bound by both hands and feet.  

“The people of this village are not as simple as Vala believed,” Teyla answered, “they knocked you and John out from behind, used your Zat on Teal’c, John’s on Adrienne and told me if I did not submit then they would start to cut your throats one by one.” 

“Great work Vala,” Daniel spat over his shoulder, his eyes cutting into her as she made a face, opening her mouth to speak when Teal’c intervened.  

“AdrienneRowan has been trying to awaken you so that we may all devise a plan for escape,” he stated.  Daniel turned to Adrienne. 

“Great Ad, what have you come up with?” he asked, but she just shrugged.  

“I don’t have a damn thing; I just wanted to make sure you weren’t permanently damaged. I’m kinda attached to you,” she answered.  Great, Daniel thought, no plan.  

“This Laja seems to be a leader of some sort, I’m thinking of explaining the situation to her first.  Maybe Dutroy and the others don’t understand like this Laja the real threat they are facing here,” John offered. Considering his words and deciding to volunteer to explain that they were looking for Anubis not trying to interfere with their lives, Daniel started to answer when there was a click and they collectively turned to face the door to Dutroy’s house as he stepped through, leading behind him the same man as before, as well as two other thin, pale men and a small dark skinned woman. The woman, Daniel guessed that this was Laja, assuming the ‘a‘ at the end of her name indicated that Laja was female. She couldn’t have been more than five feet tall, long, heavy dreadlocks hanging on her shoulders, accented with feathers, shells and stones and she wore a navy blue dress, a simple a-line design with long sleeves, a large golden amulet swinging around her neck.  Her feet were bare and dirty but she didn’t seem to mind as she made her way across the jagged and splintered threshold of the home. The others parted for her and stood back in silence, letting her pass to walk slowly from one end to the other, starting with Vala who was leaning against Teal’c, then Daniel, Adrienne, Teyla and finally John.  In eerie silence, her eyes ran up and down them a few times, inspecting each individual with judgmental black eyes, until she stopped at John, holding her stare.  

“Be dis der leader?” she asked out loud, not at anyone in particular.  

“Yes Laja, dis be der leader, John he say his name is,” Dutroy answered.  Nodding, Laja approached the Atlantis commander, who was now regretting his volunteering to take lead on this one, kneeling, cocking her head left, right, and back left again.  

“Why ya be nosin’ around? Whatcha lookin’ far?” she inquired of him, peering deep into his eyes.  Clearing his throat before he spoke, John formulated his words carefully. 

“There were a group on men here, before us, bad men. They’re hurting people and we want to make sure they don’t hurt anyone else.  We are trying to figure out where they went,” he answered. Laja cocked her head a few more times and it was then Daniel noticed that she was blind in her left eye so she was trying to make up for that vision loss with her head movement.  

“Dey be right. Dey be bad men. But we got rid of dem,” the woman answered.  Got rid of them? How did they do that? Unable to hold back, Daniel leaned forward, ignoring his girlfriend’s glare which was shooting in his direction.  

“Excuse me, Laja, my name is Daniel.  How did you get rid of them? We’re trying to find them to stop them from hurting others. We want nothing else from you,” he said. Redirecting her gaze from the colonel and over at him she cocked her head again, studying him from top to bottom her pitch black eyes lacking the mysterious beauty of Adrienne’s and quite frankly, it gave him the creeps.  

“Dey all say dat. Dat we want nuttin else from ya.  But dat never da case. Dey want de PRECIOUS, in da ground, but we ain’t givin,” she replied, her head whipping around quickly to look at Adrienne. The moment those eerie eyes met her own she felt chills course down her spine as the woman examined her head to toe as well, slowly and then began to laugh, cackle almost, looking over at Daniel shaking her head.  

“It nah be wise ta bring  ya gainne wit ya. She hesitated en gut caught cos of ya,” the woman added, looking Daniel straight in the eyes. Confused, he glanced over at Adrienne who was shaking her head.  The woman just continued to laugh.  

“Donna let her lie ta ya. She en da uddah fighta woman cuda gutten loose, but she wudn’t leave ya, wud ya Addy?” the woman asked, now glaring at her.  Adrienne froze, unable to speak, wondering how in the world she could have read her mind while Laja stood still, almost as if she wasn’t breathing at all, scanning them all once more, directing her attention this time to Teyla.  

“Nah as if ya would’ve left em eadder,” she continued, pointing a finger at John, “ya say he fahmlee, but he nah. Ees odd, ees deefrent, ees nah like dem two,” she explained as she cocked her head back at Daniel and Adrienne.  This time, it was John’s turn to glare at Teyla, knowing that she most likely refused to leave him behind; she really was the sister he never had.  Staring ahead at the woman, not giving away anything else by her facial expressions, Teyla maintained her composure, but the woman was laughing already.  

“But naw she regrets eet, gut ‘erself da liddle one ah ‘ome,” Laja spoke, striding over to Teal’c and Vala, who was still bound tighter than the others.  

“Ahn ya two, ya monsters.  Ya dink dat jus cos da Gahds be missin means dey gone fa gud? One ah dem already bahk ahn ya lookin fah ‘eem instead ah takin’ care ah ya own,” she hissed, spitting on the floor at their feet.  Daniel was starting to catch on to how this was working and leaned forward again, feeling Adrienne slam his knee with her own in the process.  

“Laja, it seems that you’re intuitive and if so, you can read our thoughts and see that we’re only here because we’re after Anubis in order to destroy him, and not for anything else,” Daniel explained as the layers and layers of head turned, moving like a snake, slowly, hypnotically, before she finally twisted her head slowly to meet his gaze.  

“Dat might be paht ah why but nah da truth.  Ya dah nah tell each udder da truth always ahn dat nah so gud,” she replied and pointed over at Vala.  

“Dat one wants glory mah dan anything ahn der be an anger ehnside ‘er,” she started, running her eyes over to Adrienne briefly, and then Daniel and then back to Vala, the mood in the room suddenly changing as though Daniel could actually feel the anger, the jealously, the out right rage; it was overwhelming. Daniel thought Vala was alright with he and Adrienne, but apparently not, apparently there was a part of her that was still holding on to hope. Smiling, Laja left them to sit in the heat of emotion, turning to Teal’c. 

“Jaffa, part ah ya wundahs if ya did dah righ ding, bringing down dah Gods.  Ya Jaffa nah do so well,”  she accused. That Daniel knew was true, Teal’c had confided in him when they would share meditation some of the internal problems in the Jaffa council, and he had told him as much. Not that he meant that he would have chosen a different path, but the troubles in the Jaffa leadership were just that, troubling, and he was concerned, not plotting treachery.  Daniel started to speak up, defend his friend, when she glared right at he and Adrienne.  

“Ahn ya two, ya jus worried ‘bout everything but what cha nee tah be wahrried ‘bout.  She donna want him to get hurt, out ah lives, ahn he worry ‘bout ‘er, want ‘er tah stay ‘ome, be safe, he dinks he gonna lose ‘er, but dey nah talk ta each udder, dey just donna understand like dey did,”  she explained, looking at them. Daniel kept silent but he felt Adrienne’s glare at the side of his head, knowing her words to be true. He did worry, much more than before, before she was his friend and he cared about her, but now, now he was so in love with her at times he couldn’t concentrate, lost in thoughts of their future together and in webpage after webpage of rings. He worried, daily he worried, about her sharing Shar’e’s fate, but never would dare bring that up to her for fear of the massive fight it would cause for this distance it would put between them, for this distance it had put between them. Laja was laughing again, so she just stood back from the group, reaching underneath her skirts and pulling out a leather bag, brown and worn, feathers hanging from the bottom.  

“Arrete toi, cracher en l’air ca va tomber sur la nez!!!” Adrienne shouted, as Daniel looked over at her confused, no longer watching Laja when suddenly he felt dust against his cheek.  He jerked his head quickly back in her direction to see her blowing something out of her palm, something thick and dark, something that must have come from the bag, something that was moving toward him so slowly but still fast enough that he couldn’t dodge it and for the second time on his birthday, Daniel blacked out.  

*****

This time when he came to he didn’t have a headache, thankfully.  He sat, slowly, but still felt out of sorts and strangely uncomfortable in his clothes.  Reaching for his chest, he scratched an annoying binding there to discover there was something wrapped around him.  His hands were free so he didn’t know what exactly it was; it was annoying and underneath his clothes, but he would worry with that later, his first concern was Adrienne.  

“Ad, are you alright,” he asked, turning to his side to look for her and choked on his own words, his own light tinkling words, coughing it up like something was stuck in his throat when he saw, laying in the grass beside him, was himself, his own body, unconscious and unmoving.  

“Daniel, it appears that Laja has taken care of us as she did Anubis’ men,” a voice behind him spoke. Turning, still confused, he saw Teyla sitting on the grass, a small brown haired boy laying across her lap.  

“Teyla, where are we? What’s going on?” Daniel asked and stopped noticing his voice, a very familiar voice that was not his own.  Glancing down, not waiting for Teyla to respond, he realized instantly what was wrapped around his torso, quite uncomfortably he thought. It was a sport’s bra.  He was in Adrienne’s body. Quickly he stood and dashed over to his own to see if she was breathing, alive, alright but hesitated feeling strange reaching for his own cheek.  

“She’s breathing, I think the switch just took her harder,” Teyla responded, Daniel peering back over her shoulder to where she was still sitting holding the child.  

“So, is that you John?” he asked, again surprised at Adrienne’s voice coming from his mouth, trying to process that as Teyla was shaking her head.  

“No, John and I have not been switched.  This is John,” she said, indicating the child in her lap.  Daniel leaned over onto his knees, looking down at what, or who was apparently John Sheppard.  Teyla followed his gaze with her own, her face solemn and her mouth drawn. 

“DanielJackson”

“DanielJackson”

“DanielJackson”

Spinning around, more brown hair flying into his mouth, an accidentally biting down on that damn tongue ring, Daniel glanced over his shoulder to see Teal’c, no three Teal’c’s, standing in a line as if they were preparing for an attack. They looked confused, as confused as Daniel felt. Carefully, he reached down and pushed himself standing, shooting up faster than he intended, staggering as he stood. That’s right, he thought, women have a lower center of gravity, spreading his legs and shaking his feet to adjust to the changes. 

“DanielJackson”

“DanielJackson”

“DanielJackson”

“It appears...” 

“It appears...”

“It appears...”

“That Laja...”

“That Laja...”

“That Laja...”

Shaking his hands in front of him, Daniel signaled for Teal’c, the Teal’cs to stop, unable to understand what they were saying. 

“One at a time, who’s the original Teal’c?” Daniel ordered, following up his command with a question, the three large Jaffa looking at one another confused. That’s not going to work, Daniel thought, pointing to the man standing in the middle. 

“Center Teal’c,” he began, “what do you remember?” 

“The spirit woman blew powder into your face and once you were unconscious AdrienneRowan fell unconscious as well. She did the same to Teyla and John, although they tried to fight and I was knocked unconscious by a Zat,” Teal’c explained, Daniel noting that they were missing a team member. 

“Where’s Vala?” he asked, turned back over to see himself, well Adrienne laughing, awake now, pointing to her left. Taking a step to turn himself around completely, he followed her finger, his finger, the finger as she collapsed onto the ground laughing hysterically. 

“Sha,” she started, the cute cajun diminutive sounding so strange in his voice, “can ya hand me my camera, because after you figure a way out of this I want photographic evidence.” 

Vala, shuffling four pink legs in his direction, oinked in general disapproval. 

*****

He really didn’t know what to do. After assessing the state of his team, it appeared as if he and Adrienne had traded bodies, Teyla was left to care for a very young John, Teal’c had been duplicated, not cloned but completely duplicated and Vala had been turned into a pig. Were they not sitting here, in what seemed to be the middle of a swamp, the sun blazing over head, heating the beads of sweat from his face, he would have thought that was as funny as Adrienne did, but for now he couldn’t joke. They were lost, in the middle on nowhere, on a planet that did not want them there, their radios taken from them, with no idea where the DHD was, and it was his birthday. It was his damn birthday. So much for enjoying the day; he knew there was a reason he didn’t like this day. Breathing out he scanned the area one more time, Adrienne sitting crossed legged like she did, her satchel between his legs digging through as if the solution were inside. 

“Ja-wer, are you alright?” he asked, disregarding the others for a moment as he studied his own frowning face. 

“Yeah, just, yeah, I’m fine sha,” she answered, the pig Daniel now noticed laying at her feet lifting her head, a low in and out grunt emitting from her snout. 

“Vala’s not,” she added, reaching to pet her friend’s back as if she were a pet rather than a colleague, in his body no less. 

“Daniel, do you think this is how they rid themselves of Anubis’ men?” Teyla asked, John asleep by her side, his head lying on her pack. How old was he? Two, three? There was no way to know, but what he did know was that his original idea of seeking out the DHD wasn’t going to work with a child that small and a farm animal in tow. More importantly however, he knew this Laja woman was responsible and he knew that only she could reverse it, so they needed to stay until they figured out how to get her to do that. Chewing his lip, Daniel stared out into the distance, looking for a marker or anything that would give him an idea of the direction on the village. 

“Sha?” he heard, making him look up and over in her direction again. 

“What? Did you think of something?” he asked, watching her nod in reply. 

“We did this you know. Not just Vala snooping, but all of it. I recognized the spell, I had a teacher in school that was really into the stuff, and she used to say it to the kids that bullied the other kids,” Adrienne explained, her hand rubbing Vala’s back nervously, apparently her friend as a pet was a soothing to the petter as the pettee. Shrugging, Daniel was confused, turning so that he was facing her. 

“What do you mean?” he asked, noticing that Teal’c, the center Teal’c, he had marked him with a cord from his tac vest, was also now directing his attention to Adrienne as well. 

“The spell, it says that you should be what you do, feel what you do, learn from what is wrong,” Adrienne explained, pointing to Teyla first to continue, “Teyla feels that she should be with Torrin, not be doing any of this for fear of dying herself and leaving him parentless, but at the same time she feels that same connection to us, to John. Hence, well, mini-Sheppard. Likewise, John and Teyla are best friends Indy, not like we were, are but they are family, so his new form makes sense.” Making a face, Daniel scanned the Athosian and gauged Adrienne’s words. That was what Laja was saying to them, wasn’t it? She wanted them to realize why they were here. John, of course, was ordered, it was his job, but Teyla had no formal ties to the SGC, just her maternal obligation. When he looked up Adrienne was still staring him, evidently waiting for him to take in her words. 

“Ok,” he led, trying to get her to continue. 

“Ever seen ‘Multiplicity’?” Adrienne asked, shaking her head, his head, knowing the answer, “nevermind, I know you haven’t. Teal’c wishes he could be more places at once, spread himself around, but I can guarantee that multi-Teal’c over there is experiencing diminishing returns.” Wondering if this was true, Daniel looked over at Teal’c who was nodding in agreement. 

“See,” she kept talking, his voice actually cracking as if she was trying to imitate a woman, “there is most likely a delay in processing too, hence the nod rather than the verbal reply.” Daniel peeked again at Teal’c who, yet again, nodded, before looking back at Adrienne. 

“As for you mon ami,” Adrienne giggled, petting the pig’s back again lightly, “the pig is a symbol of greed and desire. I know shug, it’s hard, and we hold the secrets of the universe and you still can’t even own that Porsche, but I promise, it’s worth it. And we know you’ve got our backs, but if you think of putting a trotter on my man, Imma make you bacon,” she joked, or was she? In his body he really couldn’t be sure whether or not she was joking, but he was flattered either way. He started to laugh, stopping himself when he heard her own laughter, waiting until she was finished to ask his next question. 

“Alright, so she’s teaching us a lesson, fantastic, so we need to learn something and then she will reverse this?” Daniel asked, yawning to hydrate her contacts. Well now that’s an annoying habit, he thought, missing his glasses already. 

“Ah cahn’t reevesse disss, only ya be da ones ta reevesse disss,” a voice spoke, Daniel looking left and right unable to figure out where it was coming from until he looked over at Adrienne who was frozen in fear, gazing at a large black and red serpent at her feet. 

“Der be two opshuns. One, ya choose ta stay like deess ahn make ya way in deess walh o ya leahn ta tell wha fuh shore, la verite ahn den ya can go ‘ome,” the snake continued, its mouth not opening, not moving, instead the words floating from it as if it were a recording. Laja’s spirit must have invaded this poor animal’s body and judging by the expression on Adrienne’s, ugh, HIS face, he thoughts were exactly right. 

“Ya be dinkin’ ah deez dings, ya be dinkin’ ah eech udder, because ya gonna need da udder wun,” the reptile added, Adrienne shaking her head again, like she did before, this must have been some cajun tale, some old story, but he didn’t have a chance to ask. There was a flash, the sun sinking rapidly in the sky, that’s not possible, he thought, the forest in front of them bursting into flame. 

“I really hate birthdays,” Daniel said, moments before the fire exploded. 

*****

“Sha, wake up,” she said but he kept his eyes closed trying to pretend that it wasn’t his voice and that it wasn’t his hand shaking this arm and that it wasn’t his face he was going to open his eyes to when there were fingers at his eyelids, doing just that, prying them open. 

“I’m still you,” he complained, opening his eyes, seeing the contacts slide on the surface. How does she live in these, he thought, sitting up and looking around to see no one, no magic Jaffa, no pig spies, no child-like air force colonels, not a soul other than the love of his life trapped in his body. 

“Yep, and I’m still you, and yes, we’re alone, our dear voodoo buddy saw to that,” Adrienne explained, standing and reaching down for him. 

“Ad, how did you know? How did you know what would happen?” he asked, taking her hand and allowing her to help him up, remembering his balance from before. 

“Just some scary ass stories Aunt Barbara used to tell me when I was a kid, me and Rae. Stories about the white voodoo and the black voodoo and that the white voodoo was always scared of the black and would break their own rules to flush out a black voodoo practitioner. Stuff like this, like making you play out your weakness,” Adrienne replied, kicking a rock as she walked, her head down and eyes to the ground. 

“We’re being flushed? She thinks we’re evil?” he asked, follow behind as he watched his own tall form mosey listlessly back into the forest. 

“No, she doesn’t think. She knows. Good people, truly good people tell the truth. We’ve all become liars,” Adrienne responded, a sickness in her belly. Especially me, she thought, especially me. 

*****

“Teyla!!!!” John cried, whined, afraid to be alone. He’d awoken again, still in this helpless body, at the base of a tree, large and old with a perfect squirrel hole in the base. Huddling himself in to the best of his ability, he got into what he felt was a safe position, scanning the surrounding area for his best friend, for the one person in his life he could count on. That had been at least an hour ago, if not two, and now he was scared. 

“TEYLA!!!!” he repeated, his small heart racing, his baby teeth chattering. He’d heard Addy explaining before the explosion, something about the witch woman changing them because they wouldn’t accept the truth, but how in the world his reality was being a preschooler he had yet to understand. Teyla made less sense to him, having not changed at all, the only one in the group not to under go some massive transformation. 

“TEY-LA!!!” he tried again, exaggerating his speech, wondering if she was hurt, lost, or had forgotten he was a child, not recognizing his small soprano voice. He felt hopeless, desperate and started to cry, am I really crying, he thought, when he saw black pants and a beautiful woman racing toward him, her long brown hair flowing behind her. It was Teyla, she’d found him, so he scurried out of the hole to meet her. 

“Thank the Gods John I found you,” she praised, her brown eyes cutting quickly at the sky before taking the boy into her arms hugging him tightly. Kissing his head, she let go, checking him over carefully for any sign of injury. 

“Teyla, where is everyone?” he asked, frightened, remembering that he didn’t have his weapon, that he had nothing, he had nothing but her, Teyla, his closest ally who was shaking her head slowly, lacking answers herself. 

“I don’t know John, but we need to find them, come on, give me your hand,” she stood again, offering her hand, which he took without question, letting her lead him into a thicket of underbrush. 

*****

“ValaMalDoran, I do not understand what you are saying. I do not speak pig,” center Teal’c, the original Teal’c he thought, or at least who DanielJackson had deemed as the main Teal’c, the other two lagging behind and waiting for orders. Annoyed, Vala rammed her snout into his leg, grunting again before taking a right, down a well worn path in the opposite direction. 

“I do not believe that Laja would have made this task such a simple one. I believe that we should continue into the forest, find our team members and work together,” he replied, looking downward at the animal that was now slamming itself onto the wet mush of earth below. 

Stupid idiot god damn witch wants me to have some big god damn revelation with myself and solve some fuckin problem with Teal’c and turns me into a PIG! How in the fuck am I supposed to fix anything as a fucking PORK CHOP!!!!

Frustrated, since she knew that all Teal’c got out of that was a collection of grunts and oinks, Vala plodded onward, down the path she preferred, hoping that Adrienne did the same. After all, these slimy rednecks were her people, she had to know how to get them all the hell out of this, without some stupid lesson on morality. 

*****

“Dammit,” Adrienne said, pushing the glasses up her nose. Why in the hell didn’t he just wear those contact lenses, she thought, they’re in his bathroom.  Looking over and pushing her hair out of his face or was it her hair out of her face, his hair, whatever, Daniel paused, trying to judge what was wrong.  

“Everything alright?” he asked, Adrienne scowling before finally letting out a sigh.  

“I’ve gotta pee,” she admitted quietly, embarrassed, having been trying to hold it for well over an hour, “and I’m debating slipping over behind that bush there.”  Daniel’s eyes widened in panicked; this was something he hadn’t anticipated and now that the situation had presented himself he was unsure as to what he should do. 

“Ad, I told you not to drink so much water. You’re going to have to hold it,” he stated and walked on, knowing if they kept going they had to eventually run into the others. 

“Indy, I can’t wait. It hurts,” she pleaded, “I’ll be quick.  Just point and fire right?” She joked and once again Daniel stopped dead in his tracks, spinning on her heals, his heels, whatever, glaring right at her.  

“Adrienne, you can’t go pee,” he said plainly and now she stopped, throwing her hands up, looking confused. 

“Why the hell not?” she asked, trying not to dance in place.  

“Because, well, you just can’t,” he answered, unsure as to what else to say, not aware that he was glaring down at her waist, his waist, ugh, at the area of concern.  

“Sha, I see you naked every gah damn day, I shower with you, I’ve, uh, nevermind, and you mean to tell me that you’re worried about me taking a piss in your body?” she ventured, knowing him well enough to know that she was right and he flushed red, a dead give away. Gotcha she thought to herself, putting her hands on her hips, awaiting his reply. 

“Yes Ad, but that’s completely different,” he replied, still at a loss, because it wasn’t, but he didn’t know what else to say.  Adrienne sighed out and walked toward him, looking down at herself, him, wanting to hug him, but it was just too awkward.  

“Shug, I’m not going to have a comparative anatomy discussion with you. I have to pee. I’ve seen everything you own more times than I count. I’m going over to those bushes and go to the bathroom, can you make sure that no one jumps me?” she responded pointing at the foliage behind her.  Relenting, Daniel drew Adrienne’s zat and started to look around covering her as she dashed over to the plants. Moments later he heard a familiar sound, one that at this very moment was quite disturbing to him and she was back at his side before he could panic or overanalyze the situation too much.  

“Everything go ok over there?” he asked, worried at her reaction but Adrienne just shook her head.  

“I didn’t break it Indy, trust me, I wouldn’t want to do that. I was laughing, though, at the idea of you having to pop a squat if we don’t get this figured out soon,” she joked, her stomach sinking. I can fix this, she thought, right now, but I just can’t. Red in the face once more, and hoping it didn’t come to that, Daniel walked on.  

*****

This wasn’t the ideal environment for a child, Teyla determined quickly, wondering exactly how these people raised their children in such an place. John’s round pudgy cheeks were covered in bites, mosquitos she had heard them called on Earth, and the sweltering heat was making him tired and cranky.  Torrin was a little older and might have been able to handle it, but John was much smaller, less equipped to handle himself, and he wasn’t...

He wasn’t Torrin. 

She’d been walking in the woods for hours and now she was carrying him, holding him to her shoulder, powering on, looking for the rest of the group as if finding one another would fix all of this but it wouldn’t. The witch had been quite clear, her words never leaving Teyla’s thoughts, Adrienne’s confirmation not too far behind.  She did feel guilty, every time she had to ask someone on base to look after young Torrin she felt that pang of guilt, not because she needed to work because even if she left the SGC Kanaan wasn’t there and she would still need to leave Torrin behind in order to provide for him. The guilt was there because she didn’t leave him to go to an office like Sam and file papers, she didn’t leave him to teach like Adrienne said she had done before she came here, she didn’t even leave him to run a business like John’s father had, like John could have himself if he wanted. She left him to travel to other worlds, to get shot at, to get into situations like this. 

I’m a horrible mother, she thought, adjusting John on her shoulder as she trudged on. 

******

He shouldn’t have let her carry him, but his legs were just so tired and his entire body was sore. She couldn’t have been much better but in this form he was finding that will power was no where near as strong as the actual physical fatigue that he was experiencing right now, and Teyla understood, more than anyone, she always understood. This, he thought, is exactly why we are in this mess, at least this much of the mess, I’ve become too dependent on Teyla. While the colonel had no romantic feelings toward Teyla, she was truly his best friend not his lover like Adrienne was Daniel’s, but he had taken on the Athosian woman and her son as his own, trying to do his best to fill the void that Kanaan had left. The void he was filling, however, wasn’t hers, he had known that in his heart and the voodoo priestess must have seen that too. Teyla was his reason to stay close to home, to base and never stray far. Teyla was his reason to keep busy, busy enough where now that his family knew he was stationed in D.C. that he just never had more than five minutes to talk. Teyla was his reason to never go out and find anyone else. Taking care of Teyla was not for Teyla he realized, taking care of Teyla was for him and now he was paying for it. Laying his head onto her shoulder, he decided he would rest a bit and then insist that she put him down, so he would walk on his own two feet.

*****

Daniel wasn’t quite sure how Adrienne had grown up in an environment like this, so muggy and hot and he was certain that he had mosquito bites covering most of this body. The worst however, was the hunger and thirst, it was taking so much out of him to trudge on and move forward.  He felt bad for Adrienne, trapped in his body, he was a good 40-50 pounds heavier if not more, so if he was feeling this fatigued he could only image what she was feeling.  Stopping once more, he turned back to face her. 

“You okay sha?” she asked, stopping herself, thinking he had figured it out, that he was going to confront her, but he didn’t say a word, just walked over to her, turned her, his,  body and reached into his tac vest.  

“Yeah, just hungry,” he answered, pulling some items out of the side pocket.  Clasping something in his hand, he shut the flap and walked back over tearing open a wrapper.  

“Daniel, what is that?” she asked, turning him around to face her.  In her, his, hands was a candy bar, which he had opened and was getting ready to move toward his, her mouth when Adrienne smacked it away, knocking the arm aside, jaw dropping.  

“Nuh uh Indy, over my dead body are you gonna put that shit into me!” she hissed, trying to get the candy bar, which normally he would just hold over his head so she couldn’t reach, but now, dammit, now he was four inches shorter and this wasn’t going to work.  

“I’m starving,” he replied, stepping back and holding fast to his snack.  Adrienne scowled and stepped up to him, easily taking getting the candy bar away knowing that with her karate knowledge plus a size advantage, there would be no candy for him.   

“That is my body, not yours, do you even know what putting shit like that into it will do to me!?!” she demanded, tossing the candy to the ground and turning him at the shoulders.  Reaching into her own backpack, she pulled out a small reusable plastic container full of baby carrots and turned him back around, handing it to him. 

“Here, eat these,” she said as he took the box. Frowning, Daniel looked down at the small clear container now in his hands and back up at her, rolling his eyes. 

“Carrots?” was all he said.  

“Yes, carrots.  That will take care of your hunger and not destroy my entire digestive system,” she replied, Daniel shaking his head.  

“Have I told you that you are completely and totally insane lately,” he responded.  

“And yet you date me,” she spat and continued on their way, smashing the candy bar further into the ground with her foot. Accepting that this was going to be his only nutrition option, Daniel opened the lid to the box and pulled out a carrot, staring it for a moment.  

“Pretend it’s a Cheeto,” he coached himself and popped the vegetable in his mouth as he watched his own silhouette slip in between the trees.  

*****

So Teal’c had been right, and they should have stayed in the woods because not fifteen minutes down the path the entire thing had dropped off into a bog, one that was so disgusting and so deep Vala didn’t care to cross it, even if she was in a pig’s body. Turning around slowly, she had grunted at her tripled companion, walking right between center Teal’c’s legs and back down the path from which she came, vowing to bite him if he said a word, which he did not, quietly turning in a set of three to follow. 

If ValaMalDoran had only listened they might have found AdrienneRowan or DanielJackson or possibly their friends from Atlantis, but Vala never listened, which is why she was currently in the form of a swine, the Jaffa surmised. Swine were very intelligent, clean, cunning animals but very stubborn and prone to gluttony, a very suited description of his teammate. As fitting as her current form was, however, he still did not completely understand his, as tripling himself seemed more like a grand solution to the problem at hand rather than a punishment or lesson. Two copies of himself would allow for him to sit at the Jaffa council, spend time with his grandchild and still be an active member of SG1. He racked his brain, but other than the slight delay in processing information, a delay that he could easily explain away, it seemed that of all of his friends, Laja had done him a favor. Either way, Vala needed to go back to being human, so he followed her in her pursuit of the one member of their team who ValaMalDoran had deemed could get them out of this, and for once it wasn’t DanielJackson. 

*****

Shrugging his shoulders to crack his back, Daniel looked ahead where Adrienne was trudging ahead silently, advancing unusually fast in his body. Maybe women are just better at adapting to things, he thought, adjusting her satchel and carrying on. 

She hadn’t said much since the snack food incident, which worried Daniel, but maybe she was just worried as to how they were going to get out of this. Daniel was worried to, not just at the situation itself but worried about what Laja had said. He had tried to not to think about it, tried to trust that once they found the others and ultimately the DHD, that they would dial home and Sam would find a way to reverse this, that this was simply a cheap parlor trick designed to scare them away as it had Anubis men. If that was the case though, how did she know? How did she know that they were together and that they were hiding something from one another? At first, he had just dismissed it as a typical assumption, normal couples hid things from one another so it would be normal to make such an accusation, but he and Adrienne were not that transparent at work, well anymore, and definitely not on a mission. 

Alright, he thought, watching Adrienne trek onward, reaching up to branches to clasp them as she passed evidently enjoying her advanced height, what if this Laja has a point? What if he needed to tell Adrienne what was going on? Tell her that he was shopping for a ring, planning the perfect proposal, that in his mind she was no longer his assistant, his friend or his lover, but his life mate. He just felt like he couldn’t, especially after the last mission, after the joust. She had been more guarded since and he understood, he’d hurt her so badly that he just counted himself lucky that she took him back at all.

“Ad,” he called out, watching her stop and turn, his own tall figure grabbing a tree branch almost playfully. 

“What’s up sha?” she asked, still hanging on, smiling at him. 

Adrienne, I want to marry you. That’s why you’re trapped in my body; that’s the secret Laja is punishing us for keeping from one another. I didn’t mean to hurt you, it was wrong, I was just trying to protect myself because you’re it Adrienne. You are the one thing that I just can’t live without. Will you marry me? 

“Daniel? Are you ok?” she pushed, frowning at him, his frown, is that what I look like, “Why are you staring at me like that?” 

Because Laja is right, he thought, shaking his head. 

“Nothing, I thought I saw someone head, but I’m just tired. Keep going,” he replied, motioning her onward. 

*****

“John, I cannot carry you any longer,” Teyla apologized, setting him down, a thought popping into her head. 

“It’s ok, my legs feel better,” he answered, sliding down from her neck to reach and rub his tiny legs hearing her sigh and take a seat in front of her. 

“John, I’ve been thinking,” she started, but he looked up, shaking his head and his hand simultaneously, such a strange gesture from such a tiny person. 

“I have too and it’s not fair. What I am doing to you is not fair,” he started, Teyla turning her head in confusion. What in the world was he talking about? What wasn’t fair? 

“Teyla, I’ve intruded into your life too much. I hope you know that I’m not trying to replace Kanaan in Torrin’s life, but I will say that I have been using you both, as a crutch, as a reason not to face my own life,” he continued, watching Teyla’s face soften, and her hand reach out for his own. 

“John, you are not an intruder. You have been an excellent uncle to Torrin, you have not used us. John, you are family; we might not share parents but you are my brother,” she assured him, patting his hand before retracting her own. 

“It’s not just that Teyla. I’m back on Earth and I, well, I haven’t even called my father. He’s sent me a few emails, but I just use work, anything as an excuse not to call,” he explained. 

“Then once we are back, we shall call him. I would like to meet your father,” she said, smiling, “I would like to tell him how you met me overseas and are helping me adjust to life here while my husband continues to fight in a war zone. I would like to tell him that his fine son is like a brother to me and if I had a real sister I would insist that she marry him right away.” John blushed, laughing slightly, imagining taking Teyla to his parent’s mansion as he has taken Ronon, letting Torrin play on the lawn. Maybe it was time, he thought, maybe it was time to really mend fences. 

*****

This is ridiculous, she thought, plodding through the woods, stepping in cold wet mud that was inching through in-between her hooves. 

Dammit. I’m not a pig. I am not greedy. Yeah, I want things, of course I do, but who doesn’t. I don’t care about the stupid Porche, it’s a damn joke, if she was so damn smart she would have seen that. All I wanted to do was find out why in the hell Anubis was poking around here, around these primitive people and figure out where in the hell he went and I get treated like this!! Why don’t these idiots understand the threat he is? I remember when he was a system lord, I remember having to answer to his Jaffa like my power meant nothing!! He’s ruthless, he’ll kill anyone in his path. 

He’ll kill my friends and I’ve never had friends before. 

She stopped in her tracks, looking back at Teal’c, understanding what had happened, understand what that witch woman and Addy had been babbling on about. She was a pig, not literal, but symbolically just like Addy had said. Frustrated to be out of her body, Vala grunted, knowing that she couldn’t explain it to Teal’c, that it wasn’t just that they had to pay attention and understand what Adrienne had said, they had to accept it.  

“Hey Muscles!” she shouted, trying, expecting a grunt and was shocked to hear her own voice come out of the snout. She almost jumped into the air like that pig in that silly spider movie, but she wasn’t quite sure how to do that on four legs. 

“ValaMalDoran, you can now speak,” Teal’c stopped surprised, as Vala began to nod her pig head happily, relieved. 

“You’re damn right, I’ve figured this shit out, so we need to get to talking, pronto,” she ordered, taking a seat on the ground.

*****

“There has to be something else Teyla,” John said, pushing long hair of of his lean face, “I’ve got to be what fourteen, fifteen now, so there has to be something else. Is there anything that wasn’t the truth, that verite mess the witch was talking about?” He watched her carefully as she sat on the ground in front of him, after having listened to him talk for at least an hour about his family, his memories and his fears of being alone. It wasn’t that he felt he needed someone, a wife per se, but he did feel that he didn’t deserve a family so he did everything he could to avoid participating in one, all but Teyla’s. 

“John, I am not certain. I have no secrets from you or anyone else but the woman was correct. I do feel guilt, I feel as if I selfishly put my own needs and everyone else’s above the needs of my son,” she admitted, not seeing how that was anything punishment worthy. 

“Why do you feel guilty? Torrin’s your entire world, everything you do you do for him,” John replied, confused, frowning at her, “what else would you do?” The Athosian shrugged, reaching down for a fallen leave to pull at it nervously with her fingers. 

“Leave the base. Find a safer job, maybe become a teacher. Sam has said that I would enjoy this college that you offer to adults,” Teyla added, realizing that she had never told anyone about that conversation that she had with Sam. Odd, she thought, I tell John everything. Peering up, she saw that he was nodding with understanding, now grabbing a leaf himself. 

“Yeah, I mean, if you want to, you should. I do think you’d like it, but a safer job? Sure, you might find something that’s safer for a while but what if we fail? What if we don’t get Anubis? No one will be safe then. You’re not doing this for us, you’re doing this for Torrin,” John offered, raising his eyebrows. She paused for a moment, considering his words. He was right. Deep inside she knew he was right, that everyday she fought and worked for a better world, a better universe for her son and everyone else’s. Nodding, Teyla looked up at him, smiling. 

“You are right, I am doing this for Torrin,” she stated, her eyes widening and her mouth dropping open as the words crossed her lips. 

“What?” John asked, but heard it in his voice, deeper and reached for his face, feeling the hair as it grew on his chin.

*****

“...and I really don’t want Daniel. He was safe, I wanted to be loved, but now I have a family that loves me and I want him to hurry his ass up and propose to Addy because she’s the best thing that ever happened to him and if he doesn’t I’m going to punch him out again,” Vala breathed out, finished with her confession and reaching for her face to find that her snout was gone. Smiling, she glanced over at Teal’c. 

“Your turn,” she stated, hoping he had listened to her confession and would follow suit. 

“ValaMalDoran, you still have a tail,” Teal’c advised, pointing to her rear end. She peered over her shoulder, frowning the moment she realized that he was right, jerking her head back to glare at him. 

“Fine, I think Ronon is hot and I want him to ask me out!” she concluded, checking once more to see that the tail was gone, which it was, much to her delight.

“Now handsome,” she redirected her attention to Teal’c, “let’s talk about spreading ourselves too thin...” 

*****

Adrienne stopped shortly in the brush, wiped her brow and the sweat beneath her, his, glasses.  Replacing them, she glanced down at her watch and saw the time. It was five thirty in the evening. She’d missed the three p.m. gift, the four, and now the five, and they were never getting out of this, it was all her fault and suddenly it was too much for her to take. Standing there, in the middle of the second Star Wars movie, without the privilege of Yoda to coach her through, Adrienne began to cry. 

Daniel looked ahead to see her stop, and heard the sobs.  What a strange sound, he thought, to hear my own crying.  Rushing ahead to make sure she was alright, he placed his hand up and on his own shoulder to see her turn around in tears.  He needed out of this body, this was just too much, gazing into his own ocean blue eyes red with tears, looking up to himself to offer comfort. This was way to much.

“Indy, I’m sorry,” she was sobbing, reaching out to hug him and he started to back up, watching his own larger form approach himself arms open, but relented, wanting to know what was wrong.  Still crying, she wrapped her arms around him, wow this was a reverse, and held on tightly.  

“Ad, what’s wrong?” he asked, trying to look up at her face, his face.  Dear god, please don’t try to kiss me, he pleaded inside and she pulled away, yanking the glasses from her face and wiping her eyes once more.  

“Your birthday.  I knew we were heading off world, so I prepped each hour in advance and now that we’ve gotten caught here we’ve missed the last couple of hours and we aren’t going to get out if this because of me and I just can’t fix this,” she cried, eerily in his deep voice. Out of instinct he hugged her tighter, realizing that he couldn’t quite hold her like he was used to.  He almost laughed, but decided against it, holding her carefully with her own smaller arms. 

“Adrienne it’s ok, I promise ja-wer, we’re going to get this fixed, we’re going to find the others and everything will be alright,” he assured her, hoping that he wasn’t lying to her but she was shaking her head, crying even harder. 

“No Indy, it’s not, it’s not going to be alright. It’s me, this is all because of me,” she wailed, collapsing to the ground, to her knees, taking him down with her. She fell forward, holding her head in her hands, her chest heaving and her tears raining onto the ground. Daniel didn’t know what to do, what was she talking about? 

“Ja-wer, this is not your fault. This could be Anubis, it could just be because of what Vala did, but it is not your fault,” he insisted, placing his hand on her back, yet she continued and continued, coughing in between sobs. 

“Ja-wer, please, look at me,” he requested, whispering her name once more, whispering ja-wer again softly when her head shot up, his face glaring right at him, an evil glare that just wasn’t as intimidating without her eyes. 

“Stop calling me that. Stop, stop calling me that, stop telling me everything is going to be alright, stop acting like everything is alright, just stop. I’m sick of faking, I’m sick of pretending that it didn’t happen, I’m sick of all of it,” she screamed, as him, into his face. Dumbfounded, he sat back onto his heels, fighting the urge to reach out for her shoulder to comfort her. 

“Ad, what are you talking about?” he pushed, gently, trying to figure out exactly what had caused this reaction. She sobbed quietly for a moment longer, finally raising her eyes to meet his, sucking in tears before she spoke. 

“Daniel, we’re stuck like this because of me, because I just.... You left. You quit. You never quit anything and you quit us like it was nothing. And then you just came back like I was just supposed to accept that and forget. But I can’t. You quit, you quit, and I’ve been too chicken shit to tell you,” she let the tears flow again, removing his glasses and letting her head sink back onto her knees. 

His first thought was to vomit, he knew he had hurt her, deeply, so much so that he had been very careful with her since, but he had no idea until this very moment the damage he had truly caused. He’d been promising her forever, looking for rings even though she didn’t know and had just thrown it all away in an instant because he was scared, a scared little child afraid to lose his prize. She was more than that, though, more than just his prize, she was the other piece of his soul that he had been missing, the one person that if there was indeed a God, that he had created just for him and yet, despite all of that, he had never told her, never just taken the time to really explain to her what was going on inside, what he was thinking. She was his best friend, the one person in his life he felt that he could tell anything and he had just shut her out, bottling himself up again into his prison of emotion, and here she cried, sobbed, all for and all because of him. 

“I didn’t. I mean I did, but I wasn’t. I can’t quit. I was scared, stupid, impulsive, guarded, but I mean it when I say that I can’t live without you, that I can’t do any of this without you. I’ve never been so happy in my entire life as I am with you. Adrienne, I didn’t,” he breathed in trying to form the words, “I lost one wife to this, I can’t lose another, especially if it’s you.” 

He said it, he told her, he told her his intention, he admitted it to her, and his heart was racing. There was a sniffing sound and he saw his eyes look back up at him again, his lower lip trembling as she tried to compose herself. 

“Wife?” she asked, confused, and he nodded slowly, reaching a finger out to her lips, gross his lips, to shush her before she could speak again. 

“Yea, but please, don’t make me do it here, like this, please. Let me do it right. You deserve that. I ” he added, wanting to hug her, even if she was trapped in his body. Trembling now, he saw her shaking as she sat and began to reach out, only to have his hand pushed away. Oh no, he thought, that tiny voice inside of him spoke, that’s her breaking point, that’s what makes her the nightmare Southern belle that she has fought so hard not to become. The horror hit him, that this might not be, that her feelings weren’t the same as his. 

“I want that,” she whispered, not looking up, “I’ve never wanted that before, but I want that now, with you,” she started, swallowing and taking a breath, “I’m not saying yes, I don’t want to ruin that for you, for any of it, but I’m there. I’m ready. With you I can do anything.” 

That was all he needed to hear. He’d told her, he wanted to marry her and she wanted to marry him and were it not for the fact that they were in the middle of a swamp, God knows where on this planet, stranded from home, hot, tired and in each other’s bodies, he would have asked her right then and there, but they were still trapped here so he did the next best thing. 

Daniel leaned forward and kissed himself. 

And there went the lights. 

*****

When he opened his eyes he was sitting at the desk in her apartment, the computer screen up but cued to nothing, just a picture of the two on them on the beach dancing all over the page. Confused, he looked around, trying to figure out where she was, what time it was, and why they weren’t in the swamp anymore when he realized that he couldn’t see, his vision was blurry. He blinked, wondering if as he had been knocked out for the umpteenth time today he had lost a contact lens, but felt nothing. Standing, Daniel reached for the chair to help hold himself upright when he caught the flash of a reflection out of the corner of his eye, turning around to look into the small mirror that was hanging over his girlfriend’s dresser. 

He was himself again. The spell was broken, or whatever had been done to them, a quick glance at the clock telling him that it was only noon. They hadn’t been reset to this morning, they had just been sent back in time a few hours but where was Adrienne? Shaking his head, he shut the lid to the computer, dashing around her apartment. 

*****

Adrienne sat in her beetle, staring at the dashboard, the vinyl still shiny from his gift some weeks back. A gift before he had left her, before he quit their relationship, before he had in just a few brief moments destroyed her faith in him. Granted, he had come back, he had apologized, he had more than made it up to her since with caring actions and kindness and gentleness, but she hadn’t been intimate with him, she was too fearful. As much as her body and soul wanted to, making love to him just made her feel too vulnerable. 

“No, not again,” she vowed, turning the key in the ignition, the engine picking up instantly, a millisecond before she slammed the clutch into reverse, darting out of the parking lot. 

****

Rubber screamed across pavement as Daniel opened the door, a bolt of yellow lightening flashing across his vision. 

“Adrienne,” he whispered, realizing that the yellow blob was her beetle and it was Adrienne that was now tearing off down the street, heading where he had no idea. Frozen for a moment, he stood at her open doorway, the DC July heat rushing past him into the cooler apartment. Remembering not to cool the entire capital, Daniel closed the door behind him, turning to look back at her apartment. 

Why did she leave, he thought, confused, walking over to the sofa to take a seat, not bothering with the TV, instead sitting down quietly, his head in his hands. Where did she go? She’d said yes, she’d said that with him she could do anything and he felt the same; never before in his life did he have a person that he felt was his equal, that made him better than he was alone. Then where had she gone? 

Standing in frustration, he wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting, he went back to the bedroom to get her laptop, deciding to waste time watching videos, to just wait until she got back. He walked over to her desk when he noticed her new black satchel, the one he had gotten her to replace her black backpack which had been shredded some time ago, lying open, a bright green parcel falling out of it. Puzzled, he knelt to clean up the mess, seeing his name scrawled on the wrapping, a number three scratched in the corner. The three o’clock present, he thought, his first instinct to put everything back together but his curiosity getting the best of him. Pulling his legs to cross them, sitting like she always sat, he pulled out the present. Much to his surprise, three other wrapped gifts of various shapes and sizes cascading out of them, each numbered in order, four, five and six. He smiled, and opened the first present, the one with the number three on it, ripping into it like a child his eyes widening at the result.  It was a t-shirt, blue of course, the one color she always requested that he wear, the message on the front making him blush. 

Archaeologists do it in the dirt

“Ja-wer, where did you find this,” he asked out loud, reaching for the next gift. 

“The internet,” she said behind him, “you know that lovely invention that you use at work but outside of the lab you act like you’ve never heard of before.” Daniel smiled, shoving the presents aside and turning, not sure if he should stand or reach out his arms, so he decided not to do anything. She smiled in return, sitting down in front of him, a paper bag in her lap.  

“It’s not three yet, we got reset in time sha, you’re cheating,” she joked, pointing to the pile. 

“Sorry,” he replied, pushing the presents back to her, “I was afraid you...” he started, stopping to breath in slowly when she started to laugh, tossing the brown bag into his lap. 

“I like things simple, even this, just FYI,” she instructed, stuffing the presents back into her satchel, before standing and leaving the room, her cheeks flushing. Confused, Daniel reached into the bag, feeling slick pages inside. Frowning he pulled out the magazine, his eyes widening at the cover. 

Martha Stewart Weddings 

“Simple Indy,” he heard shouting from the kitchen, “from start to finish!” 

***** 

Sam didn’t know how she got back in the locker room, but there she was, in her sweaty workout clothes, her duffle bag in hand. She wasn’t alone in the locker room, there were a few other members of personnel, each of them staring at her in equal bewilderment. Opening her mouth to ask someone what time it was, what was going on when she was  interrupted by the click of the intercom. 

“General O’Neill?” Walter’s voice came over the speaker, evidently as confused as she was. 

“Yes, Walter, I’m here, what’s going on?” she asked, hoping the forced calm in her voice would maintain the composure of the locker room. 

“Ma’am, we need you down to the gate room ASAP,” he advised, calmly, the speaker clicking off again. Nodding confidently at the gawking woman, Sam tossed her duffle over her shoulder, racing out and to the requested area.

***** 

“Ya peepel be ahnest, dey be la verite. Ya may take da preshuss frum da ground and we be ‘appy ta be podnas,” the alligator spoke, clearly, well as clearly as an alligator speaking cajun could, paddling the rest of the way down the ramp where it began to heave. Every last member of the gate room personnel froze, watching the animal shake and convulse it’s large long throat wiggling, something moving slowly upward. The large jaws opened and there was something there, dark, large and with a final cough, the creature spat the object onto the floor. 

“Dat be da way we know eet es ya. Dat be da way Laja protects ya,” the animal added, turning to face the gate. Without dialing, the ancient ring activated, shifting itself, chevron after chevron locking into place, the gator eerily still, even as the wormhole activating, racing towards it, enveloping it. When the event horizon settled, their visitor was still there, untouched, padding upwards toward it’s exit. 

“Adyeu,” it shouted back stepping into the blue, the gate closing instantly behind it, the iris snapping shut as if it never opened. Sam looked left and right at her colleagues, seeing that John Sheppard and Teal’c had now entered the gate room, their expressions troublesome. Taking a breath, she stepped forward to what had been left for them, a small brown rag doll in a reddish dress. 

A voodoo doll.